But it is still hard to speak truth with gentleness and humility. It is still challenging to wait on a sense of rightness and peace (and often amazement that the way forward is so different than I would have concocted for myself). This morning this passage from Luck 18:1-7 showed up in my morning devotional email: "Then Jesus told them a parable about their need to pray always and not to lose heart. He said, "In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor had respect for people. In that city there was a widow who kept coming to him and saying, 'Grant me justice against my opponent.' For a while he refused; but later he said to himself, 'Though I have no fear of God and no respect for anyone, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will grant her justice, so that she may not wear me out by continually coming.'" And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God grant justice to his chosen ones who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long in helping them?"
A recent situation left me longing to give a few beloved people a piece of my scattered and tattered mind. My kind husband (and best buddy) sat with me in a park on a lovely fall day as I cried to God to help me, help us, respond according to God's plan, rather than our own fear and pain. I can't report that all is suddenly well and working according to our limited idea of "right", but I can state how profoundly grateful I am that God has given me a sense of peace, a strong sense that God is bigger than this difficulty that seems insurmountable and horrid to us and that God loves all involved as deeply and wisely as God loves us, so we can calmly watch for opportunities to listen and love without feeling the challenges are ours to fix. We can ask God to keep us quiet when speaking would add to the pain and to speak with peace and kindness when God would use us to speak wisely and lovingly to those we hold so dear.
Thank you God, for this timely reminder that You are always willing to hear our wailing prayers and that You have a plan for our hope and a future greater than we could ever imagine, and You love us into prayers of gratitude and love that we might bear the unthinkable, enduring the horrifying and know that You are calling all of us to a closer walk with You. AMEN