It is frustrating, but kind of funny too. Why, oh why, am I so slow to do things I know will make my life better? When I walk regularly or cut sugar out of my diet I feel so very much better. I know this. I have proved it to myself so often. But no matter how well I am doing on embracing healthier living habits, it only takes a weekend of house guests or a delightful family reunion pot luck to get me off track. It gets a little easier each time I try again, but it is oh so challenging to keep on keeping on.

So it makes it really very difficult to point fingers at folks who are struggling with far more destructive compulsions. I have said often that I am very grateful that my drug of choice is chocolate which only rarely affects the quality of my driving or ability to hold a job. And there are so many things to be compulsive about: drugs, thrills, control, pornography, shopping, alcohol and tobacco and food, complaining, judging, gossiping, violence, video games, collecting, sports, crafts, cleaning, nosiness, materialism, mean-spiritedness, unkindness, cruelty, spitefulness, selfishness--well really the list is endless. Some of those things come with potential legal problems all the time. Many are gateway compulsions that damage and destroy the financial security of and connections within families. All damage ourselves and those we love. Yet improving in even one area is a journey into God's grace that challenges us every day, every hour.

And the longer we embrace, justify, and hide a problem, the harder become our hearts until we resent anyone pointing out the obvious damage arising. And the more deeply ingrained are the habits that support the compulsion. And the worse we feel about the damage we are doing to those we love and to ourselves. And the harder it becomes to believe that God could ever forgive what we cannot forgive ourselves.

Fortunately, God says, " I will also put a new spirit in you to change your way of thinking. I will take out the heart of stone from your body and give you a tender, human heart."* That is, for me, the most important thing to understand. God can and does heal the brokenness in our lives. This does not often mean that the compulsion is magically removed. And sometimes when it appears that it has, instead it has simply morphed into a different compulsion. 

But here is the essential difference. God frees us to pursue a relationship with God. And as we replace the errors, compulsions, fears, pain and loneliness in our lives with a growing love for and service to God, the less the attraction to the sad, damaging and ineffective stuff we have been using to fill the space created for God in our selves.

It is a lifelong journey. And it has plenty of challenges and even more victories. Like all worthwhile things in life, it takes work and submission to the disciplines that power such living. But any time we experience a set-back, God responds generously to our requests for help getting up and moving on again.

If you are having trouble with the shame related to having a loved one enmeshed in the legal system or chained by addictions, I have three steps to commend to you: 

(1) Conduct a deep and honest moral inventory of your own conduct, values and choices. Don't "compare" them. Don't justify them. Just consider if you are living a life where, if every corner of your thoughts, deeds and choices were exposed to God's light, there are things you find uncomfortable. Are there things you should be doing or do regularly that you don't get around to? Sins of omission can be even more addictive than sins we do.

(2) Pick something you feel you need to do or stop doing in order to be more the person you want to be, more the person God created you to be, more the person your family, church or community and you yourself need you to be.

(3) Embrace the humility to share something of your own journey of change with your struggling loved one. I don't mean to "one up" or be dismissive of your loved one's struggles. Rather be honest, be vulnerable to share your own humanity and brokenness. And be honest as God's heart transplant begins to make small and large changes in how you live, love, think, grow and transform.

Give it a try, because everybody wins when you reach out to God in this way.

* Ezekiel 36:26 

I find it not a little frustrating when some folks seem to lump all offenders together. I'm not saying wrong is not wrong, but a kid fresh out of a lifetime in a string of foster homes who has been arrested for a string of low-end crimes seems to be judged an equal "danger to society" as a high end drug dealer or a serial killer. I don't know if such folks just want an excuse to feel superior to someone else or they are afraid they might have to, in the words of a popular Christian song "do something" if they don't keep up a good mad about every public sin.

As the incarceration rate has soared, prisons have become big business and the USA has surged into first place in the race to incarcerate the highest percentage of their citizens maybe it is just becoming harder to ignore the needed reforms. As more and more families are touched by out-of-control mandatory sentencing and an increasingly politicized system of prosecution that are overwhelming funding resources, the foster care system, and the extended families trying to supply a safety net for children caught in problems not of their own making.

And having "paid their debt to society" these folks are coming out of prisons and jails with a 30% or less likelihood of joining the ranks of the gainfully employed, tax-paying, society contributing in communities in the free world.

It is all very scary and frustrating for everyone caught up in the current system from perpetrators to victims and the families of both, from prosecutors to judges, from law-enforcement personnel to prison staff to probation and parole office. There are a rather stunning number of people being affected by these most public of broken laws and broken commandments.

Humans rank ourselves. Even within prison populations there are hierarchies of "badness" and we in the free world have an easy time feeling "better than" those whose sins and crimes are so very public.

Fortunately for us all, God values, loves, and longs for relationship with each and every one of us. 

I believe that the more we err or sin or cheat or fail to do the good we should, the more we become convinced of our own worthlessness and the more difficult for US to conceive of God being interested or willing (or even able) to care about and for us. Though we may give upon God, God never gives up on us.

Here is the really important part. In Roman's 5:6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. There is no one person in prison who is not a beloved child of God, who God does not long to redeem, restore and renew for His own purposes. God does not love some folks more than others.

Your loved one who is or has been affected by the legal system is beloved of God. So are you. Even in the darkness God is bigger than any of the challenges you face.

I remember reading a story about two beloved family members who were parting for the final time and the older said to the younger, "I wish you enough." When a person who heard this had an opportunity to ask about it, the younger person explained that it was a long-standing family blessing on parting.

Our culture may as well mark the word "enough" as archaic in the dictionary because having enough is never enough. Just flip channels or page through popular magazines and it is clear that no one is ever expected to have enough. And any comments that challenges can bring good things in their wake is distastefully discarded as sick or negative. 

But the older I get, the more I am convinced of the blessing of enough and the benefits of challenges.

When I accept that I have enough I am really acknowledging God as an adequate provider. In truth, God is often a bountiful provider, but He is always an adequate provider. My grandparents kept careful track of when canned goods were purchased to make sure they did not spoil before they were used. This was because their "extra food" shelves in the basement looked suspiciously like a disaster relief stockpile. Although they had obviously had "enough" (they died in their mid-80s and early 90s respectively) the fear that lingered after weathering the Great Depression as a self-employed carpenter never really stopped for them. It is a hard thing, but the financial challenges of the past few years have left me with a slowing growing belief that God gives us enough to do what He wants us to do, and not having too much can prevent me from doing harm when I think I'm being generous.

And I can't think of a single challenge that has not brought an unanticipated abundance of blessing in its wake. My first awareness of this came when I was in Junior High and became the target of a very successful bully. It was not a pleasant experience, but I learned the value of kindness, the power of thinking before I spoke and a passion for always standing up for the underdog. I also learned that my parents thought I was pretty neat, valued my input in how to handle the situation and worked hard to help me make my world larger to dilute the stings I experienced. I would not give up even one of those blessings to have foregone the bad parts of the experience. I have even come to the point where my compassion for the bully and the poor kids that got sucked into the chaos is by far my strongest emotion about the whole thing.

Maybe all that is part of the reason that this Bible verse is one that speaks truth to my soul.: Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit,whom he has given us.  Romans 5: 3-5

O Spirit of God, when we face challenges, supercharge our faith that we might remain most focused on learning from our sorrows, woes, grief, frustration, fear and impatience. Open our hearts that we might seek the lessons and welcome the good rather than get stuck on the crumby stuff. Help me persevere that my character might grow good and strong in the hope of Your Love. I'd rather it be faster, of course, but help me to rest in the knowledge that Your timing is perfect. AMEN

Working with prison and jail populations leads to hearing many stories--not just from the prisoners but from the folks who feel called to speak God's love to both inmates and staff of incarceration facilities not only across the nation, but around the world.

We all have stories and, since I stand with you based on my experience, my heart has a particular ache for the families of folks who have failed in a sufficiently spectacularly way to run afoul of the legal system. As a parent I have seen all my children struggle with various challenges in their lives, but only one has done it sufficiently publicly to get his failings published on the web for anyone who might look. I was not surprised to find many folks in prison ministry who had developed an appreciation of the ministry when a loved one had been incarcerated.

But this is what my heart wants to say to your heart. Don't despair! Don't give up! Don't keep trying to do it the same way that you have been doing it because it has not worked! So where does that leave us?

It leaves us learning something new. If you are a person of faith, deepen that faith so that you stand more solidly and confidently. If you have not been talking to God, pour out your sorrows, your fears, your longings to your God who longs to be in conversation, in relationship with you. If you have allowed your fears for your incarcerated loved one to damage other relationships, reach out. If you have allowed your anxiety for your loved one to decimate your financial life, please stop. If you feel  you can't function because of choices made by your incarcerated loved one, seek a good counselor to work with.

Are you seeing a theme here? I hope so, because this is huge for your loved one as well as yourself. TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELF. Most of the people I have talked with enmeshed in the legal system are woefully aware of having damaged their families. For you to continue on your own self-destructive spiral that ends in your bankruptcy, failed health or death will in no way be helpful. The ones who are still so self-will-run-riot that they have no concern for the well-being of those who love them, well, continuing to feed that particular illness will not help either you or them.

And I'll bet there are other people who long to be loved by you --  other children, grandchildren, your siblings, parents and friends -- that feel abandoned. 

Take a step today: send a note, make a call, set an appointment. And to the extent that you can do that without an anticipated outcome, so much the better.

Almighty God, whose Son submitted to a corrupt legal system even unto death, help me to find my way through this great sorrow, crushing sadness, breath-taking anxiety. Help me to learn how to focus on You rather than my fears, trust You rather than my schemes, live a life that might attract my beloved one to Your light, hope, and love, might lead to his/her redemption, renewal and a life of purpose. AMEN

Mark 9: 17-18a, 20-27  
     A man in the crowd answered, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid... 
     So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.
     Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”
     “From childhood,” he answered. "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”
     “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”
     Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
     When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the impure spirit. “You deaf and mute spirit,” he said, “I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.”
     The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, “He’s dead.” But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.

I don't usually have much good to say about the overwhelming and none-too-professional proliferation of "news items" in our culture, but one thing that hundreds of hours of cable news and thousands of pages of web-based news is that in the scramble to fill space, the origins of Memorial Day is discussed widely this time of year.

When I was growing up I had both a father and a grandfather who had served on the battlefields of the two World Wars and neither was talking much about their experiences. For so many folks who have actually served in battle saying anything that might be flattering to themselves seemed as though it took credit from the folks who did not make it home. And looking back further, the pain bleeding out of the War Between the States was still sufficiently raw that stories from that time were discussed hardly at all.

But since I had the rare opportunity to stand in the American Cemetery in Normandy, France, looking at more than 10,000 crosses representing young men (& a few women) who never returned from serving their country by overcoming an evil that raged uncontrolled across the European continent and much of the world for the most part of a decade, my awareness is different  I stood and thought of all the weddings that never took place, all the children that were never born, all the parents who aged without the comfort of grown children. all the public service that did not occur and the jobs that were not done by and for these young people.  In Normandy, where their blood was shed, the memories are stronger of the blessings they brought and the hope they kept alive.

So today, even if the cemetery you pass is is not one where your family lies, take a moment to remember all the folks who did not come home, or came home with scars both visible and invisible because there comes a time when someone has to step into the breach. We are so blessed that our young people came home to be solid citizens and productive members of their communities rather than to come home as was common for long ago warriors to exact payment for their service. Instead they mostly came home and kept on serving their families, their communities and their nations by leading honorable lives, raising good kids and counting their blessings for themselves and in honor of those who did not come home.

Today we remember all who sacrificed their lives, health, time, and youth to make our lives better in so many ways through their service, honor and persistent commitment to doing their best for us.

Many in the Christian church set aside this day to pay special attention to and give passionate thanks for something we call the Gift of the Holy Spirit. It is called Pentecost and recalls the time when the Spirit of God made Himself known in physical form to both believers and unbelievers a few weeks after Jesus died, was buried, rose again and ascended.

Easter and Christmas are better known, but this is my favorite day in the church year. My life is so wholly blessed by the active involvement in my life of the Spirit of God.

At the resurrections the early followers of Christ were not happy to realize He was returning to the One who had sent him and with these worlds He comforted them: Let me assure you, it is better for you that I go away. I say this because when I go away I will send the Helper to you. But if I did not go, the Helper would not come. (John 16:7) I've been looking at several translations of this passage and the name for the one who was being sent to us included the above Helper, but also Comforter, Advisor, Counselor, Holy Spirit and Advocate in Court. 

As usual, the words we think, speak and write are never wholly adequate to convey the greatness of God, but each of those names speaks to my deep need for help in knowing God better, opening my heart to better conform to God's plan for my life, to heal from the wounds that self-will-run-riot living has done to my person, my soul. 

The Spirit of God helps me find the path where I draw closer to God, in deeper relationship with God while becoming brave and powerful in I seeking to comfort, inform, invite and love all the lonely, lost, angry, betrayed, frightened folks in the world seeking a better life, a shard of hope, the smallest light of truth, the way home. 

Oh Spirit of God, thank You for the cherished gifts You lavish on us, both drawing us closer to God's love, truth, light, hope, faith, forgiveness, redemption, renewal and restoration while also nudging, prodding, empowering, and wooing us into lives of service and love for all our brothers and sisters in the Family of God. Thank You for coming to continue Christ's work in our hearts and lives. AMEN

Few things are as delightful and as frustrating a house full of children. Grandchildren have the extra delight of not having folks blame me on those occasions when their manners aren't up to snuff.

I think I was terrifically hard on my kids at times. But at least I was clear: it was myself I was afraid of.  Was I a good parent? Good enough parent? Was I too strict? Was I too lax? Did I give them enough room to grow? Did I give them too much room? And how would my children suffer for the things I did not get right?

Fortunately I did not have to "get it perfect" because I was only middle management. I was daily grateful that no error or omission on my part was so awful that God could not heal it, complete it, expound a fuller explanation of it, or toss it out and replace it with a truer thing as my children turn to God in their own relationships with Him. 

This is why I have only one wish for my children, that they embrace a trusting and growing relationship with their Creator, their Savior, their God. Because all good things are gifts from God and, when I am most blessed, I am allowed to be a part of the instructional process. When I get it wrong, I am not the last word, never the court of last resort.

Instead each of us, including each of my children, has whole and full access to his and her own, personal, direct, individual relationship with God. Oh, I love when I have conversations where I get a glimpse of God working in their lives. But I don't mistake my roles. I believe that to the extent I live as I believe the Spirit of God guides and empowers me, I hope to be more inspiriting leader than horrible cautionary tale. And I believe I can thank God with a heart fit to break with joy when I see my children living in productive and ethical ways.

And when my children fail, I try to be prompt in acknowledging any ways I might have added to the problem and then I express confidence that they can find their way by God's grace. If I catch myself second guessing or critiquing I know it is time to step back lest I cause my grown child to be distracted by my noise rather than focusing on God's input.

When they continue down a path that is frightening to me I don't get to do more than pray, coach and trust that wherever they wander off to, God is already there awaiting their attention when they turn their face toward God.

While all this is going on I need to be attentive to my own spiritual lifestyle, my own prayer life, service in mission, study, fellowship. Because I am convinced that I offer no greater gift to my loved ones than to have my feet firmly planted in God's garden, blooming, weeding, feeding, watering so that my relationship with my loved one is grounded in my relationship with my God.

Memorial Weekend can be a great help to family history enthusiasts. Small cemeteries where it is hard to find connections to living family sometimes have local historians or long-time families doing clean-up or laying flowers. Finding family connections can be a challenge, especially as names can be shortened or spellings changes through generations.

In some areas or small towns memories seem to last longer so that someone in town may actually know if a street name that is the same as your family name was connected to your family or if the local Banes are related to your Baynes. There may be no one still living in Mercer named Mercer or descended from the original Mercer family. Or early families names may still be common in the local telephone directory or city directory.

So I guess that was on my mind when I read this scripture this morning: "Help us, O God our Savior, for the glory of your name; deliver us and forgive our sins for your name's sake."*  

How often do I really think about the name of God? Yet I have never said a prayer or breathed a prayer when God was too busy or uninterested or hostile. Just saying one of God's names: I AM, Jehovah, God of Light, God of Joy, Redeemer, Savior, Comforter, Messiah, Adonai, or El-Shaddai reminds me that I am not alone --  that all is well with my soul no matter how high the flood waters or the number of soldiers in the approaching army.

A delightful woman generously shared some of her life journey with our group this spring and one thing struck me so strongly. She said that at the darkest times her soul reached out for strength, comfort, help and she was blessed by the ability not only to survive but to function and to maintain relationships in the midst of chaos. It was only some time later as she came to know God that she recognized who had responded so generously to her needs, even though at the time the word "prayer" did not occur to her. How joyous she is that now she knows God's name and has a close relationship with Him, calling His name often with quiet confidence.

God loves you, longs to bring you comfort, hope, endurance, faith, joy, purpose, wisdom...in fact every good thing, before you do the smallest thing "for Him." Take a moment now to speak the deepest longings of your heart to the God who hears, cares and acts.

For You Name's sake, O God, deliver us, forgive us, redeem us, restore us, renew us that we might both trust You during dark days and call Your Name rejoicing as we find solace in You who is with us always and for us always. AMEN

* Psalm 79:9

"That is just not fair!" I think this was the sentence I heard the most as my children were growing up. I was a very unfair mother, I guess. And sometimes I turned away with a secret smile because I understood all too well how unfair life can feel at times, even for adults.

But in the larger picture, I am grateful that God is just. We use the terms Omniscient (all knowing), Omnipotent (all powerful, and Omni-present (everywhere present). Sometimes that is a little intimidating, but the more I find God trustworthy, and the more I experience the blessings described in the Bible, then the more I find that very comforting.

God knows everything, has the power to fix everything, is everywhere and, really, what do I have to fear? Because God loves us, tends us, teaches us, heals us, rejoices over us, renews us and always promotes our highest best interest we can rest in God's promises. 

I have even come to pause when things don't go "my way" and consider that maybe God has a better plan, better timing, the perfect tweak to my day, my plan, my job hunt, my relationships, my hopes, my life.

Is a door closed? Maybe I'm at the wrong address. Are things not going fast enough? Maybe I'm not as ready as I think for the next step. Is money or time or opportunity in short supply? Maybe I need to take a second look.

I loved when I read Stephen Covey's comments that remind me that no matter how fast I climb the ladder seeking success, the outcome will not be happy if it is leaning against the wrong wall. And no matter how closely I try to follow the map, I'll have lots of problems if the map is for Springfield, Illinois when I'm in Springfield, Missouri.

So, if this is one of those days when it feels like the world is the windshield and you are the bug, assign yourself a time out, ask God if this is still the right path and what adjustments you might need to make, take a quiet walk or find a nice spot to sit a while, review a favorite Bible passage, spend a little time with that person that always seems to bring out the best in you, and know that no matter what it feels like, God has a way to sort all the pieces of the puzzle to reveal the bigger (and better) picture that displays your best self.

It is easy to feel unimportant in the world. We ride a bus or walk through a store without anyone saying a word to us. We walk through the park or sit through a church service and feel decidedly invisible. We grieve or worry, plan and evaluate. We feel alone as we deal with the challenges we face and wonder if anyone understands.

These are the times I love to remember this verse from Luke 12:6 When birds are sold, five small birds cost only two pennies. But God does not forget any of them. and this from Matthew 10:30 God even knows how many hairs are on your head.

So no matter how I feel, the truth is that God cares about the smallest things and when I'm feeling my smallest this is such a comfort.

God has work for me to do, created me to fulfill the purposes with which He paints my life. When my children were young I had important work in being their parent. When my parents were ill I had important work learning how to keep up with medical and legal matters. When my son landed in jail I had purpose in keeping in touch with him and his family and learning how to do all that. Looking back on all that and the other experiences I have had I see God has been leading me to this time and place where I have so many opportunities to share my faith, hope and experience with others who are feeling alone, invisible and anxious. 

God not only has a plan for my life, He has been weaving this life together with intent for all my life. He has a plan for you too. If you are breathing, you have work to do. Won't you have a conversation about that with God now? He is longing to help you, heal you, renew you, and set you firmly on the path God has planned all your life.

I've been working on the summer family calendar. I'm happy to report that the two of my granddaughters who live nearest have exactly one day this summer where I can have them both at my house on the same day. (I was afraid there would not be any time when that would work!) Both are in grade school so it is not because they are employed. They just have such a lot of activities planned both for themselves and with their nuclear families!

Of course, we also have four sets of family traveling into town during the summer and that is delightful and adds to the action. We will be truly blessed to over the coming weeks.

But along with our joy will be an awareness of who won't be coming.There is nothing like a big family reunion to remind us those of have passed on. Some attending the reunion are very frail and each visit leaves us wondering if it will be the last. And because incarceration has kept family members separated from us in the past, a special place in my heart will ache for those facing legal proceedings and separated by incarceration.

That is how life is, some things we see immediately as blessings and some things that are seen as difficult and challenging. Most of the time life is a mixture of both things at the same time. Fortunately we are not alone in any circumstance.

Today, if you are separated from someone you love because of incarceration, know that you are loved, prayed for, and valued as the precious child of God that you are. Your loved one is valued and prayed for and beloved of God too. 

Almighty God of Love, hold tenderly all who are today affected by the impending, present or past incarceration of a loved one. Woo persistently those who are incarcerated, those who care for them in prison from COs through administration staff to the wardens and prison boards. Let each and all be aware of the responsibilities inherent in their situations and positions and turn to You for strength to be wise and make right choices. Be with probation and parole officers and half-way house staff, employers willing to give them jobs and all seeking to teach new skills to help those seeking restoration to community and family. Thank you that you are the God of all of us, bless us wherever we touch lives that need healing. AMEN

The tree in my side yard budded out but has not leafed out. What a bummer. This little tree's roots have anchored a sloped area of our yard and so it really must be replaced soon.

We live beside a wooded area so there are plenty of other trees for the birds and squirrels to nurture their small families this spring and, while it was a nice enough tree, it was not particularly spectacular. But I do hate to loose a tree. We either plant a "fast growing tree" (which is only fast by comparison to long-growth trees after all) or we go for a longer lasting tree that we can assume will be a legacy for a future owner.

This is like a lot of decisions we face whether replacing an appliance or buying a car or looking for a job. How long? How much? Where? When? And all we can do is make the best decisions we can make based on our current information and then do our best not to waste time second guessing our decisions.

It seems to me that, while the amount of time and energy we spend on gathering facts before a decision varies by the seriousness of the matter being considered, in the end we never know how any particular decision will turn out. But I have been surprised and delighted to realize that even when I think I have made a mistake or taken a wrong turn, God is already where I am going and the lessons I learn along the way, including from the "mistakes," wind up being really valuable at a later point in my journey.

This what I long to see painted in a large mural in the biggest common area of every jail and prison. "Your past choices only restrict your capacity to make better choices if you let them."  But I need it posted around my house too. That does not mean we have no responsibility to make the best choices we can. It only means that God is bigger than any mistake I can make.

Watching someone I love sliding down the slippery slope of self-will-run-riot is the most frightening experience I have ever had, but fortunately for all of us involved, God is bigger than the problem, bigger than my fears and bigger than the challenges facing my incarcerated loved one.

Sleep well tonight, my friend. God did not leave either you or I in charge.

This technology deluge brings both good and bad. It leaves me breathless and not a little worried if I will be kicked to the side of the technology highway if I live much longer.

But I'm very much in favor when the roads are bad or we are traveling, that we can plug into our church's eservice to worship in real time, or to watch it later in the day. It is a blessing. But it is just not the same as sitting beside a young family jiggling a baby whose soft mews are only loud to a mother or father's ear, or an older couple who sit with shoulders touching and glancing with smiles at each other, or the person who is touched so deeply by the music, prayers or message that the tears just keep falling.

I suppose I am odd because for me the best church services are the ones where I get a little lost following a new thought, am made a little uncomfortable by a pastor who is passionate about prying people out of their comfort zone to be the hands and feet of God, have to stretch a little to keep up with a worship song I don't know well, but whose words bring comfort or joy or challenge. I'm less enthusiastic about trying to meet enough people to feel that church is a place of welcome and launching pad for ministry. (No matter how nice you are to me on Sunday morning, it is just not the same as knowing to ask if your Mom is doing better or your PT is helping or your child is excited about music camp, so yes, getting to know folks is important and largely lost when I'm singing along at home.)

I'm glad that volunteering for choir or food distribution, attending Bible study groups and prayer groups, signing up to mentor local students or visit shut-ins are all good and I thank God I have the health to do that. But I also hope that as folks find life narrowing with encroaching frailty or moves to be nearer family they make use of the broadcast services, praying for the preacher and the choir, praying for the folks in the pews and others that they have worshiped and served with in the past. I hope they can remember to continue being the hands and feet of God in the lives of medical staff and family members. I hope they know God has not forgotten them, and that God awaits with joy their arrival to the next part of the journey.

Today as I sit in the pew at Sunday services, I'll make it a priority to lift up in prayer each of those who are watching from afar.

Sometimes folks say they don't know how God could allow anything bad to happen whether it is crime or sickness or broken relationships. So what would that look like?

If I think it is bad to go to trade school rather than college, do I have a right to force that opinion on my daughter who is a whiz at fixing up old cars or my son who longs to be a chef? What makes college better than training as a craftsman/artist? So if we as humans find many more things "good" than a single path, how would you have God confined His creation to allow only 'good'? By whose definition? And how would that look in front of my house on Tuesday at 10:00 a.m.?

God could have created a world without choice or limited choices to unimportant fashion preferences (which color flowers shall I pick today?) And some argue that God may have just such a family of moral automatons tucked away in a far corner of the universe  But in this world God conserved for us the choice to opt for good or evil, not just once, but each and every day.

The Bible says we were created in the image of God. Now I don't see that meaning that God has two eyes, two ears and ten toes. Rather I believe that God created us with the capacity to be in relationship with God, to learn:  
                                           to love as God loves us, 
                                           to let go of fear, 
                                           to trust in God's ultimate might and God's 
                                                           willingness to exercise that might for our true and highest good.

Here is the thing I find most amazing: God does not ask us to do anything FOR GOD. I have nothing that I can give to increase God's stature, or power, or further God's goals or stroke God's ego. 

But the Bible says God IS love.*  So being created in God's image all I can give God is love, to be willing to be loved, to grow in love, to choose love over hate time and time and time again. It is only to the degree that I embrace love, share love, respond to and in love that I am content and fulfilling the good and joyous purpose for which I was created.

Unlike the uber-needy, demanding and self-serving stalker threatening pain if each whim is not worshiped, we are offered a relationship with the great I AM. One with total freedom to do good and do well at all times and in all places. But then we respond to the challenges of this world it is in an altogether different context. God asks us to live amid the uninterested, distant, distracted, unhappy, narrow, lost, angry, unrepentant, dirty, sulky, frightened, weak, scary people who are running from God, ignoring God, denying God. 

This is because God loves them too and claims them as God's beloved (even when they are at their most willful and stubborn), the wayward daughters and sons of the most High. So we are called to live and grow and love with increasing skill and commitment by the Grace of God through the Power of the Spirit of God so they might entertain a different path, called to live lives that are proof that they too have a chance to be wooed and won. They too have full access to a life of purpose, talking to God, turning their faces to God that they might be consumed by hope, faith, joy and love for ever and ever. AMEN

There is another wave of spring storms rolling through. I do love thunder and lightning.

I had a friend who had a very different response to storms. We were attending a rodeo together when a massive storm rolled through very suddenly. We headed to a big barn for shelter and she asked if i could take her twins off a ways to entertain them because she was so frightened of storms and was working diligently to not infect her children with a fear that she had found limiting in her own life.

I've thought of that often as I have raised my children. What am I teaching them to fear? What am I teaching them to hate? Even when I work so hard to be better, do better so my children will have a better life, generations of likes and dislikes seem to overflow into my life at times.

The fact I like rhubarb and gooseberry pies may cause my more sophisticated friends to giggle and that is all well and good. But when the experiences of my parents, grandparents, even back to 4X or 5X grandparents cause me to fear by habit or superstition, I am left exhausted, feeling I must examine every little thing, every thought or impulse to try to rid myself of any vestige of wrong thinking.

But there is an alternative. That is to work to rebuild my life free not only from errors planted by my ancestors, but also from whatever group-think is currently the rage in today's culture. This means the everything to me because I just don't have the capacity-- intellectually, morally or even physically -- to be sorting all this out on my own. I don't have to keep looking over my shoulder or be distressed by past family disputes or struggle through life trying to escape the fears of my forefathers and mothers or even my contemporaries.

No, God offers something so much better. God offers a life going forward. God offers a life of purpose where healing is on-going and builds us up to be people with purpose, with hope who dare to reach out to others who are longing for a better way of living. From our past we can extract good lessons, wisdom, even discover our calling but we do not have to do that on our own. God will help us release the stuff that is dragging us down and show us how God repurposes that same stuff, to inform our new way of living, for ourselves and for our heirs by God's truly Amazing Grace.

We, my friends, are being build together in Christ in ways that are mysterious, freeing and delightful. We have a new foundation strong enough to reach back and out in forgiveness and compassion because our foundation is built on the unshakable, unchanging, restorative, redemptive love of God for all of us.

So you are no longer outsiders and strangers. You are citizens together with God’s people. You are also members of God’s family. You are a building that is built on the apostles and prophets. They are the foundation. Christ Jesus himself is the most important stone in the building. The whole building is held together by him. It rises to become a holy temple because it belongs to the Lord. And because you belong to him, you too are being built together. You are being made into a house where God lives through his Spirit     Ephesians 2:19-22.

When I was a girl my great grandmother died and eventually my great grandfather was beyond caring for the large home that had been the site of family gatherings and sleepovers for decades. Before the estate sale we were asked if there was anything we wanted. I asked for a picture of a mother hen gathering her chicks under her. It was a large picture (at least to an 10x13 I think) and my mother thought the hen looked intimidating. But even at age 6 or 7, I was attracted to the idea of having a MUCH larger parent willing to take on the world in order to gather her little chicks to the safety of her wings.

I've seen startling pictures of tiny chicks surviving forest fires because the mother had placed the safety of her chicks above fleeing certain death as a wall of fire swept her forest home.

This reading from Ps 91:41 always has been dear to me, maybe because of the connection to that long-ago picture from my grandfather's boyhood home. Like a bird protecting its young, God will cover you with His feathers, will protect you under His great wings; His faithfulness will form a shield around you, a rock-solid wall to protect you.

So if this is a day colored by bad news, persistent fears, grinding problems or fleeing hope, won't you remember that God's love for us is more than we can outrun; His desire for our good greater than our fear driven fleeing. Pause for a moment to let your understanding catch up to the reality: no matter how frightened, overwhelmed or alone you feel, the great wings of God are hovering over you, waiting for you to give permission to God to take an active role in comforting, guiding, tending and restoring you.

O Spirit of God, help us cry out our need so that You may pour out all good things into our lives. I realize this does not happen because we win the "perfect life sweepstakes" where suddenly we have every material thing that might catch our eye. Nor does it mean that we will have no challenges, sorrows or grief. But it does mean that we will have enough, and learn to recognize it as enough. We will not need to rely solely on our abilities or worldly resources to travel through the hard times, but rather we can live lives of purpose, hope and joy at all times and in all places. AMEN 

Why does God give us rules? Does God profit from us, benefit by us when we keep the Commandments? Surely not! God gives us rules because they are guides to avoid damaging ourselves. Look at the commandments restated by Christ: Love God with all your heart, and your neighbor as yourself.* If each person on this earth would give serious energy to living like that there would be no slums, no abusive power brokers in government or business or the social services office in any land, no wanton destruction of natural resources, no broken families, no theft, murder, abuse or even discourtesy!

So when we live in an age as we do now, where the great "ME WANT" is worshiped and adored, it is hardly surprising that people who want THEIR needs met (at any cost to others) do not consider such basic concerns as how their great sucking needs chew up other people is offensive.

In day to day physics terms there is a response to any action, a cost if you will to each action. In a physical sense that means that if I cut down trees to build houses the woodland will change both by the loss of the trees and the coming of more dense population. The same is true for our choices each day. If I choose to go shopping for diapers for the local pantry to distribute to folks in need I have made certain changes in my world; if I choose another pair of shoes I may be happier about working out or look better going out to dinner and those are entirely different impacts from my expenditures of time, energy and money. Is one wrong and the other right? Either might be right or wrong, but the point here is that we rarely consider the impact of the hundreds of choices we make every day. It is called intentional living and it takes more thought and energy than most of us generally expend.

So if we rarely think about the impact of such small and pretty unimportant choices, what if we were left to grow up with no encouragement to think of others, not consider consequences both intended and unintended, or if we were given no rules by which to negotiate a very dangerous and busy world? So we give our children as many rules and maxims and adages as we can think of to give them tools to avoid death, injury and emotional trauma.

God does the same for His children. Just as our rules (don't run into the street) change in interpretation as we develop judgement and can be built on (don't run into the street without checking for traffic and unless there is an elderly person at risk of being run over), so our understanding of God's rules mature and deepen, but the rule is there for a reason and only the interpretation and understanding change with context. There is absolutely never any excuse for murdering someone....unless by doing so you can prevent the immediate serious injury or death of another person or ones self. The fact that there is a circumstance when the rule is interpreted differently does not make the basic rule invalid or bad. 

To embrace the idea that rules are bad is to embrace a level of chaos that is frightening. This is why we all tend to only advocate for the particular rule that gets in the way of what we personally want! Unfortunately, so many people are espousing diverse evil, the chaos seems to be ready to spew out on all of us at any moment.

But, our chaos does not change God. In fact, in times of great peace and community agreement we grow complacent and say "we are pleasing God and we must do no more than we are doing now." So possibly, as the secular world and the members of the Kingdom of God on earth respond to all the challenges and sorrows and just plain evils of this world, we have a great opportunity to live in ways that make our faith more than a creed or social construct. 

Will you consider being more intentional about loving God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind? Will you look persistently for ways to be the hands and feet of Christ to your neighbors (wherever they live) in the same way that you enjoy the kindness and generosity of God in your life?

There is not greater time to start than today. 

*Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” 
Mark 12:30-31

Today's post is not for children, for the weak-of -heart, the squeamish. This morning we will talk about S E X. I'd like to rant about Shades of Grey and the erectile dysfunction industry that apparently found pictures of same-age, apparently-married couples were not selling enough drugs, so they switch to what look like expensive chickas looking for sugar daddies with benefits, but that is all for another time.

Today I want to speak bluntly about the human trafficking that is not happening in Asia or some for resort center. As distressing as I find all that, today I want to talk about our own daughters and sons who have been caught up in the sex industry here in the USofA. And please don't irritate me by telling me they have a choice, because we all have choices, my friend, yet the nation faces rampant obesity, family crushing debt and retail's now pervasive discourtesy. If we can't get even that together, the time to wag fingers at other's challenges is long gone. We all have temptations and believe me when I say I am grateful beyond words that mine is being snippy and eating chocolate, which is not good, but more slowly destructive FOR ME than what many face. In fact, I hope that looking at these young faces (which are often younger than they appear after a short time being bought and sold for the profit and plastic 'pleasure' of others) we all thank God humbly that we are not caught in that nightmare.

I came to believe a long time ago that every time I let myself wallow around in fear, I tend to attract the very thing I fear. This is why I always walk with purpose, keep my head up, and watch my environment with a confident posture, because that is not attractive to muggers.

But there is one place where I never really overcame my sense of fear and dread. That was when I had a retail job that brought me into contact with the "business agent" of the working girls at the end of the night shift. The young man had dead eyes, tried to walk cocky but looked like he was made out of concrete, and treated "his girls" with a contempt that would have attracted the attention of any ASPCA worker if "his girls" had been "his puppies." I was as gentle and courteous as I knew how to be toward these young women, but I stayed as far away from their keeper as I could and still stay in the light and public eye. Very scary to be going home with that.

Though it is unpopular to say so in our culture, there is a reason vices are considered vices: they cause harm even when embraced "freely". The cost to dignity, hope and self is staggering. Frankly it is particularly disturbing to see a black man buying and selling black women (whether as the business manager or the "john") considering the historical context. Slavery, is slavery, is slavery. And 'business' transacted in the shadows is never kinder, more ethical or fairer that what is done in the open, so no part of this is good for anyone involved.

TV writers may like to show beautiful young law students working their way through school on their backs, but this is not the norm and please don't buy that lie. Many of these young people (of both genders) are seduced, inveighed into drugs which both causes a financial need AND dulls the pain of the lifestyle. They are lured away from families, debased, demoralized, demeaned and have shorter life expediencies because of the means used to keep them docile....drugs, physical violence, financial abuse and shame. Because some of these folks who may have options choose to continue in the trade only makes the more numerous young people who by circumstance or coercion or just a basic lack of belief that they are worth any more, even more brutal. Such sex workers and their customers want to believe it is all "between consenting adults" immediately before ranting about the horrors of foreign textile workers. In any situation where one group wants to extract services from another with only coerced consent it is soul destroying for all participants. Sometimes money is involved, but any exchange of valuables is the same, even when the "value" is a place to sleep or drugs to dull the pain or the threat of INS or DFS involvement.

Please pray for these young people and all who are in any way involved. Because, no matter how much the legal system speaks otherwise, everyone involved in sexual coercion is contributing to the problem and suffers from the consequences. There are no winners here.

O God who is God in all places, convict your children of this: Your love of them is great and You demand nothing in return. Instead You offer a relationship that pours out healing, hope, redemption and renewal, a life of hope and purpose. Let all know that this verse is for them, for each and all of us today: I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, so I shall be saved from my enemies. The cords of death encompassed me; the torrents of perdition assailed me.* Show us, Lord, how to shine your love and healing into the lives of each and all of your most broken children. AMEN

* Psalm 18:1-4

Why do we withhold approval in the name of love? This has puzzled me for as long as I can remember since it has been a part of the fabric of my life for all of my life. Some family members gave love even when they were fragile themselves but others did not seem to be able to approve of the sun rising in the east. It all took too much energy to try and be good enough to suit so much of my family.

I was so very blessed because I did not confuse God (much or for long) with those conditional folks. Maybe because when I faced challenges I found God to be whole when all the world was so broken. In whatever fashion it came about, Grace has followed me all the days of my life. I am so very grateful.

But it has left me with a deep and visceral dislike of wasting energy on the small stuff. And I have indeed found most of the bitterness and quarrels of life are about small stuff. I struggle to understand why anyone wants to waste precious moments and finite energy tromping through the swamp of discontent, demanding folks give what they do not possess.

The only thing I can imagine is this: it is that fear thing again. 

When we fear at our deepest core that we are not enough, not good enough, not worthy...
When we fear that we will be exposed as less than we should be, would be, could be...
When we fear that we will never be any better than the inadequate person that we feel we are today...
When we fear that we don't have anything sufficiently worthwhile to bring to the table, any table...

Then it is hardly surprising that we spend a lot of time building walls to try and feel safe. Sometimes those walls are stony silence. Sometimes they are sarcasm and hateful words. Sometimes it is embracing anything that seems to keep the pain at bay for a while - be that self-medicating, shopping, self-righteousness, taking exception, being offended, aggrieved, miffed, resentful, insulted, huffy, or annoyed; or going on the attack, deflecting, redirecting, or blaming; or self-depreciating humor and all forms of personal drama. Wow, we can spend a lot of time and energy on things that feel like they keep us safer.

But in truth they just make us more alone, further from healing and reconciliation, further from the assurance and acceptance that we all need so deeply, so truly.

Maybe this is what brought me Grace at such a young age. You see, I really did not doubt that the people I loved loved me, but so many of them they were just so very inept at being Christ in my life that they left plenty space for the real deal.

Because a relationship with Christ calls us to heal, grow, risk, love bigger, be more quick to forgive and slower to assume defensive postures because our root system keeps going deeper, more securely anchoring our lives. The less we have to look over our shoulders to see if anything is gaining on us, the more energy we have for going forward. The more we understand the grace of forgiveness, the less energy we waste on trying to figure out if we are getting our fair share, because we realize more each day that God's capacity to love and willingness to love can never be overdrawn, run dry or expire. God does not screw up or give up.

So, if you are tired of trying to take care of yourself in a hostile and unreliable world, consider these words:

 “Come to me all of you who are tired from the heavy burden you have been forced to carry. I will give you rest. Accept my teaching. Learn from me. I am gentle and humble in spirit. And you will be able to get some rest. Yes, the teaching that I ask you to accept is easy. The load I give you to carry is light.” Matt 11: 28-30

O Lamb of God, I turn my face to you seeking truth, understanding and hope that there is an easier way to live than the only way I know. Open my heart to possibilities. Stir my courage to try something new. Let no past sorrow or disappointment distract or deter me from knowing You in the light of truth. O Lord, can we talk? Here is what I don't get. Here is what I'm afraid of. Here is what seems impossible to me. So, what do You think? AMEN

* With appreciation for Dr. Seuss' Zooie

My mom was not crazy about Mother's Day because the sermon text was often Proverbs 31 which lists the virtues of a good wife. Really, if you want to be wholly depressed see the list of activities of a woman in charge of a household 3,000 years ago!  (Surely, even then, this was a description of an ideal never fully reached.)

But in truth, my mother's greatest virtues were in that reading and she lived these precepts all her life, though I doubt she ever even noticed them tucked into the list amid the weaving and the vineyard planting in Proverbs 31.  

Beginning in verse 25 I found my mother:  Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed;

She did this through decades of challenges and pain, constant in her faith that her life had purpose even if it was not the life she planned. As she worked her way through her baggage and found her way to a life of glowing purpose both for her children and for the other lives she touched, she showed us by her choices and values to trust God in all things. God gave her many assets and abilities and she poured them out on all who knew her. Not everyone recognized the blessings she brought, but she learned to let go of the expectation that she could change anyone. And she grew ever more certain that in God anyone, at any time,and in any place, can be wholly changed, transformed, redeemed and repurposed to live the life God created them to live. She was grateful to be blooming where she was planted and sewing what seeds as she might. And those seed are still growing today.

Mothers come in many packages and in many ways. Mothers of birth might die young or be so damaged as to be unable to tend their children. If that was your mom, my prayer for you is that you find in that what good you can. And that, if you have not identified a mother of choice, ask God to point her out. (My mother's generosity in encouraging me to have women friends of all ages gave me ample opportunities to value the "other mothers" that bless us if we choose.)

Gracious and loving Father, thank you for all the mothers of my friends, for they were chosen by you to be a special blessing in the world through the lives of their sons and daughters. Thank You for planting us where might bloom as Your daughters and sons and let the seeds of Your love flow through us into all of Your children that decorate, tend and inform our lives showering blessings upon us. AMEN

Today was my first workday on our church's landscape committee. First of all I want to make clear that I am a weed and water kind of girl with no garden design skills or particular green thumb, though I am a committed appreciator of my friends who do this well.

But for some strange reason I like to weed (as long as I am reasonably certain which are weeds and which are counted as garden plants). And I don't mind watering. So those are my areas of ability on a committee of 200 souls. (I think I've mentioned it is a really, really big church.)

Today follows a wet and sunny spring so the weeds have been running amok and actually have damaged the iris in the area where I was working as part of a major reworking of the 3rd Station of the Cross trail. It was a nice feeling to work to free the iris from the weeds that would push them aside and suck the power to bloom right out of them. I can't say I didn't add to the damage of the iris here and there because the invasion was profound...and I'll be back next week to keep working on it.

Naturally when I am working at the church and know that this blog is waiting to be tended I could hardly help but think about the weeds I let creep into my own life and think that I'll get around to routing them out later only to find the habit has taken hold and threatens the good habits I had been growing until I got lazy about tending them. I know plenty of people who would enjoy a note or card. I have plenty of family members I enjoy keeping in touch with. I have at least a dozen projects around the house that are worth my attention. I go a pace with reading my Bible through and a couple days not attending and the next thing I know weeks have passed without me reading a chapter, or completing a project or sending a note and calling a family member. I'm sure it's only been a week since I was at the gym, or is it 2 or 3?

Sometimes I just look back and can hardly remember what I've been doing instead of what I so honestly intended to do. Darn those life weeds.

So, today, as I tend the blister I got from weeding for the landscape committee, I'll start anew with things that I know are a blessing, but that I have been failing to tend. I read that it take 30 days to develop a new habit but I think that must be the good ones because I am quite certain that it takes far less than 30 days to loose the good habits I work to build up!

O, Spirit of God! Thank you for my muddy shoes, tender back and this little blister. Thank you for being so patient when I realize I have let weeds loose in the garden of my life yet again. Open my eyes to the opportunity for good around me, give me a heart longing for the good things You have available for my enjoyment, enlightenment and growth. Send me good friends and mentors who can encourage me and let me be a good friend and mentor according to Your will. AMEN 

If I take this Bible verse: 1 Corinthians 13:4-6: Love is patient, love is kind, it isn’t jealous, it doesn’t brag, it isn’t arrogant, it isn’t rude, it doesn’t seek its own advantage, it isn’t irritable, it doesn’t keep a record of complaints, it isn’t happy with injustice, but it is happy with the truth.

And I translate it to this: Jann is patient, Jann is kind, Jann isn't jealous and doesn't brag, Jann isn't arrogant, isn't rude. Jann doesn't seek her own advantage and isn't irritable. Jann doesn't keep a record of complaints. Jann isn't happy with injustice, but is happy with the truth.

Well, then I have a very clear map of the work I need to do on myself. Some of these things I do better as I grow, but some are still needing serious work. None are consistently done well, much less perfectly. 

The first one that just jumps right out is the "Jann doesn't keep a record of complaints." I too often disguise this as "my right to protect myself." Do I think it is necessary to say "yes" when "no' is kinder even if it is much harder? Certainly not. But the bottom line is that this does not require a spreadsheet. If my way of interacting with someone repeatedly leads to injury to that person (helps them keep making the same mistakes) then it is not kind or patient...it is just lazy and selfish to keep supporting the same behaviors and whining about the consistently bad outcomes.

And I do not believe my "rights" are the point of this at all. Instead I believe this: when I keep a running tab I run a very real risk of feeling superior, put-upon, martyred, victimized or without choice. But I always have choices and there are rarely only two. 

And if I keep a negative record of "wrongs" I encounter, then how can I begin to believe in God's (the perfect God's) forgiveness, redemption and restoration for me! 

If I am negative enough often enough, those around me will either begin to believe my lies (oh please not this) or they eventually quit listening to the negative background noise I pour into their lives.

If instead I choose to find the kindest things to say, look for choices to praise, act like Christ when He sees the precious child rather than like the World who would label us according to the moment of our most glaring error, then maybe, just maybe, I can avoid getting in the way of those I love the most. Then they might turn their faces to God rather than having to focus on protecting themselves from any damaging "help" from me.

Fortunately God does not count the number of times we err and He states we must also be generous in forgiveness. He call us to follow His lead and thereby receive His blessings poured out, pressed down and overflowing.

Oh God of 2nd Chances, here I am again. I try to be like You, love like You, but I find I am very far from being much like you. Be patient with Your child, giving me a heart to grow, learn, love and live according to Your wisdom and love. Send Your Spirit and break my heart of stone so that there is full access to healing, hope and restoration. AMEN

Today I've been thinking about forgiveness. It started with remembering a Bible class years ago when a decidedly distressed Pastor gently corrected a misconception about the Lord's Prayer. You know the part that says, "forgive us as we forgive others". A class participant had commented that they were moved to work on forgiveness because they felt that meant that God only imparted forgiveness to the extent the penitent had extended forgiveness.

This had been my understanding too but I did not think about it much since it was one of those parts of the Bible about which I sometimes have to say, "I'm not sure I've got that right; it doesn't seem consistent with my understanding of other parts of Jesus' life and teachings, but I'm sure God gets it even if I don't." So when a pastor for whom I had much respect and affection spoke about this, it gave me something to chew on. Pastor Schmid said, "Oh, no, God forgives first and completely and that is how we are able to forgive."* Can't say I made it my life's work to pursue this thought, but it has gently percolated in my heart over the years and I came to this place:

What if God forgives, through the blood of Christ, all His children but we reject that forgiveness in our willfulness and rejection of God? So when we start a conversation with God, begin to trust God, embrace the salvation paid in full by Christ, then we develop by grace the capacity both to accept forgiveness for ourselves and to forgive others fully?

I think of an angry child (I see myself in that posture more than I would like) with clenched fists, frustrated, or afraid, or sulky or stubborn with a posture of rejection of all a loving parent offers to assist. There is no instruction, intervention or restoration possible until the child can let go at least a bit. We comfort, we cajole, (we storm, we fuss) but at some point the child must respond in some small way to allow the situation to improve.

Thus might it not be with God, who longs to tend, guide, instruct, empower, heal and inform us that we might accept God's abundant and free blessings? Is it not as we experience grace that we begin to understand how amazing is that Grace and how it might benefit those we love, then maybe those we like and eventually even those we fear or hate?

So just possibly might my ability to forgive be a noteworthy gauge for me to monitor if I am truly seeking to grow in the Kingdom of God?

O Spirit of God, instruct my heart in this work of forgiveness. Allow me to fully trust God that I might believe in my own forgiveness. Allow me to see the pain and longing of my brother and sister that I might passionately long to offer forgiveness, modeling for them that they might turn to You for forgiveness, redemption and renewal. Free me from all bitterness that reduces my capacity to more fully be filled with Your love, hope and purpose. Open my hands that they might reject the temptation to clutch past hurts and wrongs, so that I am instead fully open to poring Your love into the lives of others, no matter how much I am or am not attracted to someone.  AMEN 

He (Jesus) is God’s way of dealing with our sins, not only ours but the sins of the whole world. 1 John 2:2

* It has been at least 30 years so that should not be considered a direct quote, but rather what I remember from whatever he actually said.