If you want to meet some strong, honorable women, show up at a prison visitation weekend and see the mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters who anchor families worn down with challenges, sorrows, hard times and grief. But they cling to their sense of family and hope for a better future. Many of these women care for children they did not birth at a time in their lives when they expected to be less constricted by responsibility. Many withstand derision from family, co-workers and church friends for sticking with their wayward family member. Many have a hole in their heart at every family gathering where there is an empty chair at the table. Many bear an unreasonable sense of guilt for decisions they did not make.

They don't get it perfectly right, but none longed to be in such a position and they are still figuring it all out. 

Won't you please bear them up in prayer? If they show up at your church, won't you welcome them as Christ welcomed you? Won't you be the hands and feet of God and speak a world of kindness?

Strength and honor are her clothing; she is confident about the future.  Proverbs 31:25 (CEB)

Sitting in the Midwest it is not surprising that thoughts drift towards the American culture's concept of "winning" and "loosing".  Even as a kid I hated the press sticking a microphone in the face of some (sometimes very) young person who had just played their heart out to demand to know "how are you feeling?" or "what are you thinking?" And I hated the idea that a group of folks who had an awesome season were treated poorly in general.

So I am proud of my local community who kept their perspective and poured love out that shared both the wins and the disappointment with a terrific group: players, coaches, back office and owners. 

Dear Royals, you modeled for our young people (and some of us older ones) what it means to work hard without assured outcome, to play with a whole heart that never gives up until the last swing of the bat, to keep going when bodies and hearts ache and to offer no excuse, blame, or negativity to mar the excellence of your gift to us all.

Let our community of fans carry that spirit into our coming days. That would be the best thank you possible.

Grief comes to all who live a life of any length. Oh, the grief might seem small to those of us dealing with great, big, crushing sorrows, but really grief is the most common human experience. So, logic dictates we would have found an effective "best practices" consensus on how to deal with the losses, disappointments, changes, and challenges of life.

But, in fact, it is an intensely private experience, even for those of us who embrace grief counseling, grief groups and grief camps. They can help because there are commonalities to grief so, I, at least, found comfort in knowing I was not unique in the feeling of loosing my mind, my control, my path, my future. And I benefited by hearing ways others found comfort and some of those ideas were helpful for me.

But, when the night came, when others had a dad on father's day or a husband to share an anniversary dinner, when I wanted to talk with someone I trusted or ask about something from our shared past, there were no fast fixes and I knew, absolutely that this was a journey that is ultimately very individual.

So how did I get that rock off my chest, the scent of honeysuckle out of my nostrils, the taste of lemon meringue pie off my tongue, that memory laden tune out of my head? 

I learned that God is faithful and that when Paul wrote in Romans 8:26, "The Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words."*  that he was not waxing eloquent, but that he was speaking the stark, bottom-line truth. 

My sorrow was too great for words, but not too great for God to wrap arms around me, bear with me, give me permission to cry oceans of tears and be waiting with a comforting step forward when I came up for air. Over the years there have been more sorrows and more tears and never has God failed me.

And, slowly, slowly, I have developed a deep sense of gratitude that most of my sorrows would have vanished if I had been less blessed with people to love and to be loved by.


*Romans 8:26 (NRSV)

A decade and a half ago, when my youngest son was frightening me half to death with the friends he was choosing and the ideas he seemed to be embracing I sat him down to watch the news one night because a 9-year-old girl had been killed in the metro area. Her older brother (I think he was 12) had started running with a local gang; the children who tried to shoot him instead fired bullets into his family home behind him and his sister was killed.  I wanted my son to understand that what we do affects much more than ourselves; run with scary people and the outcome can be fatal for people you love. I never forgot that family and the array of challenges they faced in the aftermath of choices they did not make.

Earlier this year and now again twice in the past two weeks children have been victims of shootings, one was shot and saw the murder of his father whose crime against his community was to speak up against evil and two little girls, one unwrapping a candy bar and one sitting in the home of a family member, are dead and in a moment many, many lives are changed forever.

So I have what may seem like harsh words for parents who are responsible for the lives they brought into this world or lives they have assumed responsibility for: be careful what you drag home. Don't let a buddy or relative stay in the house with your pre-teen daughter or son and then chide your child when they express fear of that person. Open your ears and find a child-free place for them to stay, because your child is important. Don't "just be holding a package for a friend" so if you are hit by a careless driver your children suddenly wind up in foster care. Don't be worried about how your 'friend' will react if you work with the police to solve a crime against children and old people in your neighborhood. 

In 1624 English poet John Donne wrote: “No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee.” 

Live life in an aware and honorable manner, my friends, lest you look back at some point and with stark insight gasp, "What have I done (or failed to do) that we might have avoided this horror!"

What do I want more than anything? When I was young I longed for a family, professional success, financial stability. I was no budding Olympic athlete or child star and I can't remember envying those who were. I guess you could say my dreams were modest: a good life, a place in the community where I could be of service.  All that seemed reasonable. And I have known many blessings in these areas, but none of them was enough.

I was active in my church, my children's school and community activities, politically involved and all that was good in its way. I am married to a good man, have great kids who are raising good kids of their own. I did work I found satisfying and that I believe was even important in a small way. Even when the normal storms of life moved in and took up residence for long stretches I was inclined to clutch my blessings to my heart and keep on keepin' on.

But now, as I look back I wish I had been wiser in what I longed for, worked for, strived for. I wish I'd prayed more consistently for my parents and my children, rather than treating it as a fallback position during times of stress. I wish I had taken my children more often to serve others. I wish I had been more actively kind to my pastors, my hair dresser, my neighbor. I wish I had understood much earlier that ministry is less about a degree and more about a calling to be the hands and feet of God in a world of hurting people. I wish I had thanked God more often and more extravagantly. I wish I was more sure that my children understood that faith was about loving and rejoicing rather than rules and rites.

I wish I had realized much earlier that what I needed most was refreshment for my thirsty soul.

He fills the thirsty soul.  Psalms 107:9

Matthew 25 beginning about verse 34 is too long to quote here, but verse 40 says basically that when we are kind to our brothers and sisters, especially the ones in physical want, lonely, sick, in prison, we are being kind to God. Few of us involved in prison ministry are unfamiliar with this passage.

For me it was an early siren call to caring for others. Often, especially as a callow youth, it was difficult not to feel pity for the needy, uneducated, unlovely of the world.  When I asked God how this could be done without feeling distaste and a niggling sense of superiority, the answer came clearly: "Look for me in each face." It was a challenge at first, to see past anger, despair, foolishness, fear, want and just plain meanness. But God was faithful in teaching me that each of His children are wholly amazing and lovely. So few people fail to respond to being treated with respect and kindness, although it can take patience and persistence to prove our faithfulness to folks who are soul weary and body sore.

In truth, most people in distress are used to being overlooked, ignored, feeling invisible and a little kindness often goes a long way for someone who experiences it rarely. The world is untrustworthy in the experience of many, so being serious about keeping your word, showing up even when it is inconvenient, and following through on offers to help can represent a transformational experience for the person you are helping. Sometimes a persons needs feel overwhelming and cause us to hesitate to reach out. In fact, left to our own resources, they would consume us.

But God does not ask us to go love the world based on our own strength or wisdom or courage. In fact He shows us it all goes better when we learn to NOT depend on these things. So go gently, learning, growing and with each step, leaning more heavily on the power of God 

"Once a man was asked, ‘what did you gain by regularly praying to God?’  The man replied, ‘nothing… but let me tell you what I lost: Anger, ego, greed, depression, insecurity, and fear of death.’ I wish I could find who wrote that; I'd love to give credit.

Tho' I don't wholly agree with that, since I have received: forgiveness, comfort, direction, a more open heart and a more courageous spirit to name a few. But what I lost in addition to those listed above is inappropriate shame. Oh, I don't mean the kind of shame that properly ensues an act of meanness or cowardliness. I mean the inappropriate shame that keeps us more focused on bemoaning our errors than in making new choices based on what we learned from our mistakes. And I mean the inappropriate shame related to what was done TO us rather than BY us, such as victims of incest or rape who cling to the lie that it was in some way their own fault. And I mean the inappropriate shame of having a loved one in jail or prison or in the prison of addictive behaviors.

Because the joy of a relationship with Christ is this: we become new creations, released from the drag of negative shame and all that other junk and are empowered to believe the we are loved, valued, important....worthy in the eyes of God.

This is as true for those of us in the free world as it is for those we love who are imprisoned by brick and mortar or ensnared in a destructive lifestyle.

If anyone is in Christ, that person is part of the new creation. The old things have gone away, and look, new things have arrived!   -- 2 Corinthians 5:17 (CEB)

It can be hard to find a church home while dealing with the incarceration of a loved one. Even folks who have been active in a church may find folks, uncertain of the right thing to say or do, do nothing or even avoid the suffering family.  In their defense, it is not exactly like a new baby or a hospice referral where there is a track to run on, but hopefully as churches become more involved in prison ministry we will get a little better at reaching out for families and individuals caught up in the legal system and all that entails.

But what about a family who has drifted away from church or may have never attended a church? Do they call the church office and ask if the congregation is safe for their children and themselves? Will the body of Christ open their arms and hearts to love on the family without expecting the children to express disdain for their incarcerated family member? Will they respect the family's privacy? Will they offer hopeful and practical contact with the incarcerated loved one? If they don't know how to do all that are they willing to learn? No, even the best church secretary would be challenged to field that call!

So here is what I want to suggest to you who understand this journey. Speak up and teach your church home about your journey. Reach out and welcome a family struggling.  Pray for your church home that they might find a heart for this ministry. Ask God to lead you to folks to whom you can be the hands and feet of God as they struggle with growing their faith in the midst of chaos. Support prison ministry programs in local churches and, denominational programs; support jail chaplains and international service organizations with your prayers, dollars, external involvement, in-prison programs and post-release programs.

God did not send you on this journey to destroy you, but rather to empower you to be a part of God's great plan to seek and to save people who are lost.

The Son of Man came to find lost people and safe them.  Luke 19:10 

Have you ever wondered why you stick with a friendship when you get so little out of it? Oh, I don't mean in the "what have you done for me lately?" sense where the "friendship" is all about me.

No, what I mean is that friend that always shines a light on your smallest mistake, like you have to meet that person's standards rather than your own. Or a friend that you have to be careful what you tell because it will be all over the street or church or the family with commentary before you can be settled in your own mind about how to handle matters. Or a friend that wants to be sure you are aware of every smallest challenge, pitfall and potential for failure every time you explore stepping up and stepping out into a better life by going back to school or looking for a better job or stepping forward to help in a more substantial way in church or the community.

What I want you to consider is the power of who we choose for friends and who we keep as friends and whose values are respected between friends. I'm not saying to give up on a friendship forever, but it may be time to broaden your friendship circle and it may be time to limit time and energy with someone who may not know how to be a good friend. 

This is especially true when we are going through very challenging times and our time with our friend leaves us drained rather than empowered. Sometimes the folks we love the best aren't the best people to help us grow.

If you think you might need to make changes in this area, ask God's help. Then keep praying for all your friends including the new ones God is sending your way.

How many times do we hear people say "Why me, Lord?" when things don't go as expected or when the storms of life rain on our parade?  

But we don't ask "Why me, Lord?" when the cutest boy in school asks for homework help? or we get the job over a bevy of equally qualified contenders? or we have a new baby after years of trying unsuccessfully? or we make lifestyle changes that help us overcome health challenges?

When we are satisfied with our lives we seem to feel we are only getting our just deserts. So the logical extension of that is that we have earned what others have failed to earn if they are less popular or lucky or athletically able or academically gifts or.....well you get the idea.

No, I don't believe I'm God's favorite and that is why I have loving family and friends, enough food, shelter, clothes, live with no bombs or epidemics or floods or droughts. So what is the difference, who gets the "good stuff" and who gets the junk?

First of all, I don't believe any of us can actually judge who has junk and who has "good stuff" since it all assumes we have the same internal tensile strength and that one gift is better than another, one challenge greater than another. Instead I believe we all have challenges and gifts unique to our journey and we can choose to whine about being borne with a silver spoon in our mouths or rejoice in the love of our family living with only enough and any combination along that spectrum.

So here is my challenge to you: for every blessing you count in your life, ask God what you can do to glorify God with exactly what you have and where you are. For me, it is a full-time job with a great deal of job satisfaction.

When you eat your fill, when you build and occupy good houses, when your cattle and flocks increase, when you have plenty of silver and gold, and when you have abundance of everything, be sure you do not feel self-important and forget the Lord your God          Deuteronomy 8:12-14

I have great hope for the incarcerated. In the outside world they stumbled and struggled with all that was available to them. 

Those past generations of people whose existence led to and strongly affected my own existence struggled to care for their families during times of strife, war, pestilence and loss, and were sufficiently successful to be the ancestors of thousands of people today. Many of them had very narrow choices: work hard to survive or give up and die.

Today the struggle in the United States has changed. Although there is certainly hunger, want and poverty, there are also many ways to address this and it would be embarrassing to equate the poverty of much of the world to our level of poverty here. So, even for the poorest of our poor there are choices and many, many temptations that do not exist in the hovels of the extremely poor.

I believe this twilight world of relative poverty is very hard on young people who have no sense of purpose or their place in the history of the world. I'm confused, but no longer surprised, when I see resentment on the face of a young person when I tell them the responsibility to buy formula and diapers and to pay rent and utilities trumps a perceived "right" to tattoos, alcohol and road trips.

For many incarcerated young people, homesick and frightened, the reality of jail or prison (where they are a number who is not allowed to open a door for themselves or decide when or what to eat or when to go to bed) is a wake-up call.  Life suddenly has far fewer choices. 

When they are released life will have changed for them dramatically.  Many lacked scholastic and job-skills even before incarceration and that rarely improves while they are out of the workforce. They may have lost their place in their families, have health problems exacerbated by prison life, have special challenges in finding work and generally have not developed the self-discipline and life-skills to overcome these and many other challenges of life at the bottom of the economic system.  

So if you are writing to or visiting someone in jail or prison, my suggestion is this: Don't waste time telling them again what a mess they are and how bad your life is because of what they have done. (They are never without that reality.) Instead, stand firmly on your faith, hope and experience to offer them the love God gives to us all, regardless of our errors, foolishness and brokenness.  Encourage each to make healthy choices (and there are choices to make every minute of every day) and most importantly tell them they are precious in God's eyes and your own, not because of who they were when they were younger or who they might have become, but because today God loves them and offers them hope and a future if they are willing to pay the price for it.

I enjoy reading a wide variety of translations of the Bible. This has become much easier with web-sites like biblehub.com, biblegateway.com, blueletterbible.org, I can read about the original Hebrew, Aramaic or Greek and how the translators considered the language, culture, customs of the times and other places in the Bible that a word was used. I can read both translations (attempts to translate the Bible academically) and commentaries (ideas about what the words might mean). There are some translations that I find are pretty reliable and others that seem to infuse a lot of personal opinion and so are really more like commentaries. But all such tools keep us honest so we do not take an isolated Bible verse out of context and follow it down a rabbit hole of self-serving Bible waving.

So I ran across this verse in Luke 19:10 translated in the Easy-to-Read Bible:  The Son of Man came to find lost people and save them. I had never heard that verse translated in just that direct and delicious way so I read through several translations to see other ways it has been translated and what commentaries had to say.

I believe this is a solid translation, consistent with reasonable understanding across a wide spectrum of Bible scholarship. This is good news for me since many of the men and women in prison have not had access to the best education and often struggle with reading...so much so that many are unable to even study for a GED. So to have a resource to reference for these folks is very important since I have not read anywhere in the Bible that God came to save the academically gifted alone.

So this has become one of my favorite verses to include when I am writing to folks who may not be very familiar with the finer points of Bible scholarship, but who have spent a lifetime getting an education in being lost, falling through the cracks and feeling invisible except when they feel like a target. This speaks to folks who feel permanently lost and plainly, directly and unambiguously in need of being saved.  They have no expectation that they will ever get it right, no hope of a better tomorrow when it has been such a long time since they had a day that was not a struggle.

So today I say a great big Thank You to God for sending folks who can share the Word of God with a person right where they are, just as Christ comes to all of us, right where we are and saves us just as we are. No matter whether we are brilliant or simple, cocky or self-effacing, important in the world or ignored by the world, part of a large extended family or all alone, incarcerated or in the free world  N-OT-H-I-N-G  P-R-E-V-E-N-T-S God from finding us and saving us.

Absolutely amazing...and absolutely true.

It starts with a conversation.  

Maybe it is a question
Or a rant
Or a whisper.

But no matter what the change in our willingness
No matter how small...

God notices.
God responds.
God accepts the smallest gesture and blows away the dross.

Maybe we thought we were Christians.
Maybe we attended a church, were even active but were convinced we could do it our own way.
Maybe no one ever told us anything and we have only known God's names.

Speak what is in your heart to the One who created you with a purpose in mind.

Running errands with the leaves rustling beneath my feet, the sun lighting up the reds, oranges, yellows, browns and muted greens and the crushing heat of summer gone until next year--it is an easy day to embrace a cheerful heart and lay deeper sorrows aside for a bit.

It is very much harder to embrace that cheerful thing when thoughts of an incarcerated loved one intrudes and decidedly harder still on the days we have to deal with the emotions of the incarcerated person, the financial realities for my self and extended family, or wade through hours of automated phone systems.

But to a certain extent we have a choice to live in the wretchedness, angry that others seem to have an easier life, or we can live with a cheerful heart and only step into the wretchedness to the extent that it must be managed. I am certainly not saying this is easy, but I am saying that considering how that might work is worthwhile.

If you have trouble with feeling like there is nothing in your life for which you can feel joy I suggest reading a short but powerful book called, Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankel. Once I read that, I had a much easier time being honest and realistic about the challenges I faced. I don't even know how I came to read it, referenced in another book I was reading maybe, but I do know I have given my children copies of this because being stuck in the "poor me" attitude is never helpful in the long term.

So if you have found yourself clutching your wretchedness lately, ask God to heal your heart and let you see the feast that is peace in the midst of chaos, rather than only the absence of war.

All the days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast.  Proverbs 15:15 NIV

It seems to me that one of the most difficult things for me is balancing what is healthy boundaries and what is selfishness. I think one reason I love babies so much is that I can tend, teach, love, play and generally delight in a baby without worrying how much leeway to give them...not much. But by the time they turn into teenagers it seemed to be the primary focus of my parenting angst.

This is even worse for an incarcerated loved one or a "living-out-of-self-control" adult child for that matter. It is all so exhausting and scary and distracting. Yet when I want to do healthy things for myself my thoughts drift to the fact that there is no weekend retreat for my loved one.

So how do I find balance and how do I meet my own needs without feeling guilty?

I recently heard someone describe co-dependence as caring more about and putting more money and energy into improving a situation than the person who was actually in the situation. I do not believe this is the kind of caring about others that is recommended by St. Paul when he wrote, "Don’t be interested only in your own life, but care about the lives of others too."  Philippians 2:4 (ERV)

I think he was saying we should build a firm foundation for our faith and ask God to reinvent each relationship according to God's way of doing things. Sometimes saying "no" is the most courageous and loving thing we can do. But sorting that out has it challenges.  Fortunately, God is right there with you, loving you, coaching you, guiding you and, the thing I find most comforting of all, caring for my loved ones even more and better than ever I could.

So, at least for today, feed your soul, have a heart-to-heart talk with the Almighty and praise God that we don't have to find our way alone.

My dear children, I write this letter to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone sins, we have Jesus Christ to help us. He always did what was right, so he is able to defend us before God the Father.  1 John 2:1 (Easy to Read Version)

If you are looking for a Bible verse for your incarcerated loved one, check this one out. (By that I mean, read it in context, preferably in more than one translation and possibly check out what others say about it. BibleGateway.com is a useful "one-stop" resource.)

As I talk with and read the writings of incarcerated individuals I see a recurring temptation: to call God a liar by embracing doubt about the truth of forgiveness for themselves. For new Christians this may be a misunderstanding that to be forgiven is to make all the consequences of their errors go away or that temptation will go away. The rush of new faith can result in a "high" that more mature Christians understand is wonderful, but not an uninterrupted state throughout our time on Earth. Like small children, we have a lifetime of growing in faith and understanding where dealing with consequences and temptations actually serve as spiritual workouts.

This verse from 1 John speaks, not to people who don't know Christ or disdain His relationship to us. This verse is addressed to those who are earnestly seeking to understand what following Christ is all about or who are active Christians who are pursuing a Christ-centric life -- both situations common for those we love who are incarcerated.

It is the essence of hope in the face of the broken human condition and allows us, when we stumble and fall, to arise in Grace to learn and move ahead in our journey of faith. This NOT an excuse to let our self-will run riot, but rather proof of the compassion of our Heavenly Father during our remaining time as we seek God's will in our daily lives.

There is inherent risk in sharing the challenges of our journey with our incarcerated loved ones since they often bash us over the head with it, but in the end, honesty can help everyone.  And we do not risk the truth on our own: God is always on board for gentle truth!

Having a loved one involved in the legal system is a roller coaster ride that lasts for months and years. It can begin slowly or show up unexpectedly, but the matter most often runs on for months and years even when we think it has been resolved.

In the best of times it is a constant companion, like the start of a tooth ache and at the worst times it seems like a mudslide wiping out life as we have known it and as we have expected it to be for ourselves and our loved ones.

But I plead with you not to feel you must be stuck "until things get better." God is working in your situation even now when things feel so chaotic and hopeless. But I believe that to the degree you can step out of the emotions of the situation you can embrace hope and shine that hope on those you love.

Psalm 126:8 reads: "Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!" That does not say "those who sit and mope will reap with shouts of joy." So what positive things might we sow?

I suggest beefing up your spiritual life: attend church, listen to uplifting music, keep praying, keep listening to the song God is singing to your heart, and as you are calmed and find direction, that will speak more loudly to your loved ones than any exhortation. If you need to find a job, look with quiet confidence because God has a plan for you. If you need to care for others, do so with tender, focused care. Eat in a healthy manner; walk or join a gym so you can stay healthy yourself.

You will sow for the future through your tears now, and so you will reap with shouts of joy as God reveals your new life of hope in faith for you.

We recently moved back to the Midwest from the Florida gulf coast (I know, I know, but the grandkids are here).

For the more than a decade we were away I long for Midwestern seasons, well, maybe not 100 plus degrees in the summer or sleet, ice and snow in the winter, but certainly the panorama of trees living the seasons so gloriously. We moved to this house in the early Spring so we watched the trees as they shook themselves awake from their winter rest with each day bringing a new bud or bloom or leaf.

Now we have had a cold snap and the muted greens and browns have joined the party with oranges, yellows, reds and maroons that dance across the yard each time the wind picks up. We have local apples and the pumpkins patches are open with u--pick fields. Our city is alive with baseball's boys of October, soccer contenders and the new football season all sallying forth with crisp, rainy fall days and cousins to the north and west watching for snow.

As I bear with loved ones during the valleys and floods and storms of life I am grateful to be reminded that this is a season of challenge and learning and change that leads to the next great thing. Take a stroll outside or a drive into the countryside. Get off the bus one stop too soon or park at the far end of the parking lot and walk a bit. Spend time with God. Know today is not the end, but the beginning of the next amazing, grace-filled thing in your life.

Last evening after dinner with friends the conversation turned to spiritual gifts, including web-surveys and the wide range of gifts covered.

I took such a survey a few years ago and it was rather more extensive than most of the web-based ones.  I think there were about 32 gifts considered and it referred to scripture to expand on each category. Overall, it was very helpful, but I'm not sure even 32 is enough.

Each of us has very special gifts, but too often we think of prophets and orators and great teachers and think, I don't have anything like that to offer. So I'd like to tell you about Bill.  He actually has a number of gifts but those that touch me the most have been pretty modest by the world's standards.  When he cooks for the homeless he uses what my mother used to call a generous hand.  That means he does not count how few cans of spaghetti sauce "with meat" might cover how much pasta  to keep the price to a minimum. He makes hearty, tasty meals committing the hours needed to shop and to cook from scratch and not "stretch with rice." He comes in early to cook a hot breakfast on cold mornings for folks who will spend the daylight hours without shelter. He's kind of picky about things, but that is OK with me because one of the things he is picky about is serving tender, broken souls with dignity and honesty. He runs a tight ship with volunteers and homeless guests alike and all are safer and more blessed because of it.

So today I call you to use one of your gifts, no matter how modest it may be by Hollywood's or Washington's or Major League Baseball's standards. Offer the gift of attention to the lonely, kindness to the distressed, a gentle word to the harried, or a smile with eye-contact to the chronically overlooked. It may be the first step to finding a larger calling, a personal ministry of love.

Jeremiah 33:2-3 (NIV) “This is what the Lord says, he who made the earth, the Lord who formed it and established it—the Lord is his name: ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’

I know God puts things in the Bible to instruct, guide, and comfort me. And in one way this sounds pretty interesting, this telling me great and unsearchable things I do not know.

But on another level, this scares me silly! What if I learn I am not as smart as I think I am? What if I find out many of the blessings I enjoy have nothing to do with my abilities or being a special pet of the Almighty? What if I find out I have not fulfilled my potential and I have left it too late?

Actually I have learned that I am not as smart as I always thought.  Survived it.

I have learned that I am not God's favorite, except to the extent that we all his favorite. Embraced it.

I have learned that I have a lot to learn but that God's understanding of time is very different than my own. Its never too late to be all I can be for God. Working on it.

I guess I'll keep working on trusting God to teach me things that deepen my understanding and with it, grow my relationship with my Maker and my Lord. After I get past the anxiety of learning the new thing, it is always enormously worth it.

I like the sound of the phrase "a solid foundation." As I travel around my hometown there are older neighborhoods where homeowners continue to carefully tend homes built a century and more ago so that the structures provide shelter and are home for many families over decades.  In other areas, there is rebuilding and rehabilitation in struggling areas and in other places the grind of poverty and despair has left once lovely homes falling down or torn down.

Yet the foundations always tell a significant part of the story.  Even when a home looks good from the outside, one look at the foundation or around the footings or walls separating from the ceiling can speak to a deeper truth. 

That reminds me of myself.  It is my nature to "keep on keeping on" and tend everyone else's booboo or tender heart. That is not a bad thing, unless I don't tend my own spiritual needs first. Please understand I am not saying I should "get mine first" but rather, that if I don't open myself up more fully to the love God is pouring out on me, me loving on others has a pretty short shelf life. And the result is fights where I say things I truly don't mean, failure to be available to help when it is truly needed because I have exhausted myself trying to control the small stuff, the forcing of "brilliant solutions" that turn out to be truly bad ideas.

So, today I will feed my soul intentionally.  I will find a time and place to "be still" and, yes, the only place that might happen is the bathroom. I will find a healthy quote, often the Bible is a good source, and write it on a sticky note or 3x5 card to stick it where I will see it often over the next few days and think seriously and deeply about how it applies to me. I will use a Bible verse that speaks to me and take time to ask God to make that truth a part of myself in a most authentic way. I will ask for forgiveness from one of my brothers or sisters even if I think her sin is greater than my own. I will smile at and look into the eyes of someone I have often overlooked as being less important than myself. 

And as I am grounded in faith, I will have the resources to reach out and love on those who God sets in my path,

Please, God, send me to be your hands and feet in the world. AMEN

Matthew 7:25 (NIV) The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.

The first great trauma in life is when we figure out our parents don't have all the answers. It may be something truly out of their control like a serious illness with painful treatments needed or it may be a divorce or the death of a beloved grandparent or a neighborhood bully. Or maybe they just were careless  about promising only what they could deliver. Eventually the universal truth will dawn: parents are imperfect and not all powerful.

I was so blessed that my parents prepared me for this eventuality as best they could over the years. We had many bumps and a deep sense of outrage on my part as in the teenage battle cry: "How could you!"  But by their example they showed me that there is an eternal and reliable source of truth and strength and comfort. They explained to me that there was no "fair" but that we are called to advocate for truth and kindness, even when they did not perfectly follow their own advice. 

So who did they trust? God. As my World War II veteran Dad resumed civilian life, he struggled. But his faith saw him through. As my parents divorced and my Mom had to learn to live as the independent women she had never longed to be, her faith saw her through. And as we tended for and buried each, my faith (not exactly the faith of either, but a faith tenderly nurtured by both) saw me through.

So, whatever particular gift from hell landed in your lap today, face it with this possibility:  And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.*

*1 John 4:16 (NIV)

It seems like I have been vigilant and watchful for so long. My fears for my family of birth and choice claim my focus, my time, my money, my energy, especially my energy.  I just know I could get more done if I could just relax, but there is so much of concern.

So this Sunday morning I am especially glad to read in Psalms 63  "for you (God) have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." This does not say, "when the harvest is good" or "when the rains came at the right time and in the right amount."  It says at all times and in all places God is worthy of my trust and thanks. I am free to embrace joy, hope, faith and love simply because I am God's from forever for forever.

Embrace this for yourself today, "In the shadow of your wings I sing for joy. My soul clings to you." And rejoice, sing, dance and rest confident in God's love for you, God's covenant to care for you and about you. 

 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26 (NIV)

Reading this made me a little angry.  I was hanging on to my heart of stone because the human one was breaking. I needed to hide inside my stony broken heart just to get through the day. Oh, it meant I was also keeping that stone heart between myself and those I loved whose hearts were also breaking, but I just could NOT risk any more "Ms. Nice Guy" stuff.  I had done everything I could think of to make things better. I had thrown money at the problem I did not have to spare. I had been unavailable to others who both loved me and deserved better from me. I had imperiled my own health.

Every so slowly the idea began to take root in my frozen brain that the heart I had was not working very well for myself or any one else and maybe a new heart might be a pretty good idea.  Would it have a new heart smell like a new car? Could I pick the color and accessories? Hum, I had not done too well with the one I had constructed of the past troubling years so maybe I should find an expert to help me find one that would be more wise, more durable, better support a life of purpose.  Where could I find such an expert?

Oh, yeah, God wanted to replace my heart, but God hurt my feelings by calling my heart a stone. So, it was the truth, but I did not like being called out on this. I was hurting and God was demanding I stop whining and give up on the stuff that was not working. Really God, I hate whining, but, OK,  I have been all little whiny, OK, OK, very whiny. 

So what do You want? Everything?  Surely not! I'm a good person. I've done plenty of nice things in my life. I'm a well-regarded  Christian! How can it be that you want me to give up ALL but You? I'll have to think about it! So think I did. Wrestle I did. Ponder I did. And finally, exhausted and without any other hope I realized I had to get rid of everything to have room for a God that is just to big to stuff in the corner with the family albums and beloved childhood possessions. God expects all my heart, all my resources, all my dreams, all my abilities, and most important of all, all of my weaknesses and God expects them all day and night, each and every day of the year, all the years of my life.

Because that is the only way the heart of flesh can beat strong in a life of service and joy.