The last couple of days I have been thinking about fussy babies. When my now grown children were small I always felt guilty when they were a little sick but it was about the only time they would tolerate being cuddled and rocked. I love to cuddle and rock.

But I also remember the times an upset tummy or an erupting tooth left a baby inconsolable. The only thing to do was to walk and rock and sing, not because it could help them feel better faster but rather to reassure them that they had someone to journey along during the icky parts too.

This has been a comfort when I have been doing the icy parts myself, knowing that God never let's go of us when we are in a bad mood, or feeling bad or blue, or traveling through the birthing pains of adjusting to a new normal after a major change in our lives.

At all times, and in all places, God loves us, tends us, abides with us, sends the Spirit of God to comfort us, lead us, teach us. God heals us, woos us, encourages us and is always moving us towards our own highest good...even when we are dragging our feet and whining in ways that make a 2-year-old in full blown tantrum mode look mature and sophisticated. And God never turns away or losses patience or gives up.

So, when all energy is spent from my tantrum, and I am utterly worn out, and I quit struggling to get my own way, God's love just floods my soul with all good things because God is an amazing father to His children.

Oh, Father God, how grateful I am. AMEN 

I'm listening to the rain mixed with a bit of spring hail as the storm skirts our area. Short of running out with an umbrella to shelter the tender bedding plants I artfully arranged in the new planter I'm left to sit here and wonder what I will find when the storm passes.

If a lifetime of living in the Midwest has instructed me rightly that I can expect some damage, but a month from now I probably won't see even a vestige of damage. As human beings we are not so adept at sorting through damage in our lives to extract what we can and move forward.

Too often I get stuck in a place where the if-only and but-if and couda, shoulda, woulda tumult runs amok in my head. I start out to be smart and rational and try to figure out what I could have done differently and learn what I can, but too often I find I have slid off the path of learning into the undergrowth of regret, replaying things in my head that I can not change. I may have contributed to a problem in amounts large or small; I certainly hate making the same mistake again and again because I failed to learn from experience.

But once I get there, it is fear that builds walls against the next necessary part. Forgiving all involved, including myself, weaving the lesson(s) deeply into my life and stepping out again, stronger and wiser as I face the next challenge.

Because life is full of challenges and change and new opportunities to apply knowledge gained and gain new knowledge from new circumstances. It is much like a walk in the woods; when we act rashly we learn about poison ivy and twisted ankles and dehydration. But if we focus on those learning experiences we will lose the joy of sunlight through the canopy and the songs of birds and the quiet water seen through the early morning mist.

So, no matter the storm that has our attention today, cling to hope, be willing to learn, take time to heal because there are new adventures head. And when the adventures end here, God has glorious surprises yet to come.

I don't know where we got the idea that being a Christian was an insurance policy against challenges, sorrows and unhappiness. I guess it is a natural human interpretation of the passages that say we are blessed when we obey God. But, though we are made in God's image, we sure don't naturally see things the way God does.

God says, "Follow the rules I have given you, not because I will be the slot-machine God that sends indiscriminate material blessings when you pays your dollar. Instead, I say, follow the rules because I wrote them to help you keep from damaging yourself by chasing things that can never make you happy."

And God, being SO different than ourselves, does not turn His back on us when we fail to follow the rules, but is constant in His love and willingness to help us find our way out of the messes. When the general broken condition of this world cause us to experience challenges that we haven't invited into our lives God still walks with us and uses these challenges to help us grow in compassion, mercy, and faith.

So, whether we are suffering the aftermath of our own choices or dealing with the sorrows endemic in our world, God is ever faithful, always bigger than the circumstances and so tenderly loving. No matter how broken we feel or how much we feel hope is ebbing, God never let's us go. Even when we are wholly unable to do anything for ourselves; even when we are afraid to cry for fear we will never be able to stop; even when those who love us best have run out of ideas of how to help, God never let's us go. 

He will not break even a crushed reed. He will not put out even the weakest flame. He will bring true justice. Is. 42:3

Sometimes we pray and pray and pray and just don't seem to be getting anywhere. There are plenty of TV evangelists and Christian authors who have plenty to say about how that happens, although to me it often seems like they are trying to manipulate God.

Here is what I have found in my own prayer struggles. Sometimes I am just expected to struggle. I don't think I ever have the right to withhold prayers for blessings for those who have been given into my care to love and encourage and journey alongside. I have to struggle, though thankfully with less frequency, to remember that my prayers are given to God, but God is already on the job and working in the lives of all God's children. God welcomes me to share the longings of my heart for the well-being of my loved ones, but God does not me to be God to those I love.

I've thought about this rather a lot and there is still so much I don't understand. But this has become very, very clear: Prayer does not change God ever. Prayer does not as a general rule usher in earthquakes or magical experiences to suddenly change the rules of physics or finance or physiology. But it absolutely, every time, brings the potential to change me. Through prayer I have learned that I am not in charge of the universe, nor of any part of it. Through prayer I have learned patience...never my favorite lesson in the learning but such an dear and important blessing to prepare the groundwork for changes in perspective, understanding and trust.

So when I'm stuck I have found it sometimes helpful to pray this sort of prayer:

Lord, me here, stuck again. I've tried to be "good" and I've tried to convince You of the magnificence and brilliance of my plans but nothing is working out. So again, let me see if I can get where You need me to be. If this is not the time, give me patience and perseverance that I might not miss the lessons You are sending me during this challenging, waiting time. If the answer is no, send Your Spirit to lead me in the right direction; give me different goals, goals of Your choosing. Where I need the help of mentors or partners, give me eyes to see and ears to hear when I meet them. Help me to stay focused on You rather than my fears. Lord, let me be your hands and feet, seeking only to serve and grateful to be used in any way that You know moves me toward my highest good. AMEN

Have you ever heard the phrase "doubting Thomas"? Among some of us church-going types this is shorthand for someone who must experience things personally, intimately in order to believe in them. It has sometimes been uttered with a shade off condescension, as though doubting is rather shameful. But Christ did not indicate any such judgement; rather he gave Thomas a special blessing to help him find his way through his doubt.

Actually I believe that if we never doubt, never question, then our faith is only a second-hand faith based on something another person told us. But God offers so much more. When we open the deepest desires of our heart to ask God to help us understand, to find truth we often experience some pretty amazing things crafted by a loving God to help us experience personally God's love for us.

If you have never known such a personal relationship with God, today is a great day to offer God your whole heart, asking for God's dearest blessings. It may come in baby steps or it may come in an avalanche because God knows exactly what you need.

Lord Jesus, let me see your hands in my life. Let my broken heart seek You even when I am not quite sure what that means. It is scary to give up this idea of being in control so I ask that You open me to experience Your trustworthiness with my whole self. Still the voices that seek to keep me focused on the World. Send the gift of the Spirit. Yes, Lord, awesome is exactly the word to describe You; thank you.  AMEN

[Jesus] said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” - John 20:27 

PS - check this out if you would like to know how the whole thing with Thomas worked out: St. Thomas

​https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malankara_Orthodox_Syrian_Church

There are times I'd like a Help Desk number for heaven. Some things are quite clear: treat people with respect and don't commit fraud and make choices that conform to my personal ethical standards...I get all that.

But sometimes it is just not that clear but choices we make result in SUCH different opportunities.  I remember when my kids were young and we decided it was time to buy a house. We looked and prayed and weighed options and consulted with our real estate agent and family and made a choice that did not pan out and we were back to looking. Finally we found a house almost by accident and things worked out to buy it.  Because we lived in the area over a number of years and had children in school we came to understand why it was a blessing that the first choice, passionately though we wanted it, would have been less helpful for us.

The neighborhood we moved to provided us with new friendships, and school, sports, church and community connections that, though not very far in miles from our earlier home, opened doors we had not even noticed before.

The same thing could be said for jobs not offered versus new jobs and the connections and experiences they bring.

So is it all just random? No matter where you land it is going to just as good if you accidentally buy a home a few houses down from a meth lab versus a few doors down from praying friends who are supportive during some very dark days? If one job has a bunch of party hardy employees and the other has folks who enjoy their young families, does it matter where I work when my marriage is going through a rocky time?

I am so very grateful that I have a relationship with a God who is my heavenly father, who has promised to be bigger than my fears and challenges, who sees the future and arranges options in the today that can make the tomorrow's better. In the words of Garth Brooks, "I thank God for unanswered prayers" where I am focused on what I want, but God is focused on what I need in the bigger picture.

The world has always been a dangerous place. We have car seats for children but more cars and more stressed-out, distracted drivers. We have antibiotics, but an epidemic of obesity. And we have more fire arms with much less hard-headed instruction in gun safety and too little pragmatic commitment to gun safety.

In memory of Eric I want to state some things that too many otherwise sensible and educated people seem to have forgotten:

1. If you own guns, don’t gossip about it. It does not deter thieves; it attracts them. Don’t post brag pictures on social media. Don’t blab to your neighbors or co-workers or even your extended family. Don’t treat them like a toy in front of friends and family. (The same thing is true of investment coins, silver or gold bars, expensive jewelry, etc.)
2. Teach your children that gun ownership is private family business never to be discussed outside the house. You may have the most obedient, smartest kid in the world, but a wrong comment at the bus stop can make your house a target for a stranger looking for a gun.
3. You may have the most obedient, smartest kid in the world, but kids, especially teens, often have secret sorrows or friends and have a hard time anticipating the consequences of their actions. Do not assume. Secure all firearms.
4. Guns are tools, not toys. Treat every gun as though it is loaded. NEVER put your finger on the trigger unless you are planning to put a bullet in something or someone right now. If you do not understand what I mean by that, take a gun safety course or a refresher course promptly.
5. Do not mix drugs (including alcohol and prescription medications) and guns ever…not when hunting, not at a party, not when cleaning guns. Never. Never. Never.
6. Owning a gun is not just a right: it is a major responsibility and a significant expense. Guns are expensive and keeping current on gun skills includes firing ranges and ammunition all of which is expensive. No one should buy a gun that cannot afford a lock, or better yet gun safe.
7. Guns are tools that need to be properly cared for. If you inherited a gun or were given a gun or bought a gun that you don’t know how to handle safely TAKE A CLASS NOW. Know about the guns you have. Some guns have a tendency to retain a bullet even when the clip is out of the gun which otherwise appears empty. Any coroner can explain this in detail that you may not want to hear.  Treat every gun as though it is loaded. I said that before, but it cannot be taken too seriously.  
8. Never store guns in the top of closets or under beds. It is the first place even the most inexperienced burglar or home invasion perpetrator looks. Get a safe, for safety’s sake!
9. Remember, when you handle guns, little eyes are watching. You may think you can practice being James Bond to be funny, and you may even have just cleaned your gun and be absolutely certain it is empty, but a child who lacks your judgment and may even be too young to absorb any gun safety instruction can still become fascinated. BE CAREFUL.
10. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER leave your gun unattended for even a moment. When you are done using, or cleaning, or examining, or the police have arrived to help check out the sound of breaking glass in the basement PUT THE GUN BACK IN THE SAFE. After you have taken the deposit to the bank and you have come home, put the gun back in the safe. After you have been to the firing range, put the guns back in the safe until you have time to clean them. After you clean them, put them back in the safe.
11. If you are a gun owner but are trying to get your medication adjusted, have been getting very forgetful, have been fighting thoughts of suicide or homicide or been deeply depressed, or if anyone in your household is struggling with these issues, ask a trusted friend with a gun safe to hold on to your guns until things are resolved or you can arrange to get them sold. If your guns no longer are appropriate for your life-style, such as age or illness making your old gun too heavy or the action too hard, sell it or replace it. This is no time to be embarrassed.
12. A little paranoia is a good thing for a gun owner. Death by accident is just as dead as death by intent. Be honorable. Be vigilant. Be super cautious. Be safe out there. 

I believe that sometimes incarceration leads to important and necessary changes. But I also believe it has many unintended consequences where the harshest punishment is meted out to folks whose only crime was being related to someone who messed up, maybe a little or maybe lots; but the bill does not come to only for the one whose choices were foolish and/or illegal.

If you are Enron executives convicted of financial crimes, you can negotiate to make sure husband and wife serve staggered sentences so the children don't wind up in foster care or with aged grandparents. These are fortunate children indeed who were allowed to avoid some of the greatest challenges most children of felons experience.

As a result, the sins of such parents often cause suffering for their own parents and their children. Even when the sinners have "done their time" they often need financial support that would not be needed if they were treated reasonably by a nation which seems to prefers to pouring money into welfare, food stamps and section 8 housing so we can pretend that we are intrinsically less bad than someone whose parent had fewer resources for an attorney. Would that as a nation we actually believed in punishment that fits the crime and supported a reasonable hope that folks can be allowed to be self-supporting going forward if they so choose.

For an interesting perspective click here:_National Council on Domestic and Sexual Violence to read about what can happen for folks who are arrested but not even convicted in too many states.

I have been politically active at many periods of my life and, even when not active in campaigns or organizations, have an interest in the political process. Over the years it has become increasingly depressing. In the past I often had a hard time deciding between candidates, especially ones I had met or worked with personally and even between parties, but lately (and not just on the national level) I despair of the folks who love to complain but are unwilling to step up to run, or actively support candidates they believe to be well qualified.

This makes political seasons very painful and frightening as I wonder how we can expect better outcomes with candidates who do not demonstrate ethics, humility and altruism.

So again it comes down to this. I do what I can -- stay informed, study, vote and then remember that in the end I am not in charge. But I am loved and cared for by a God who has a handle on all this.  I am resigned that we may have to live with the political choices of an electorial majority which may lead us into sad and dangerous places, where, hopefully we can learn to be wiser and stronger and more sensible. But no matter what comes, God will never forsake us. When we are most aware of our vulnerable condition, we are often most able to accept the comfort and healing of our God. The more fearful we are, the more we can be inspired to lean on God. 

Paul wrote, “[The Lord] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’ So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."  2 Corinthians 12:9

Oh God, my God, be merciful to us. Give wisdom and courage to our leaders and our voters. Stir honorable women and men to run for office, serve capably and with integrity, and protect them from the temptations that come with the flattery of fools and cheaters. And always help us remember that tho' sin is with us always, You are bigger than the most frightening circumstances. AMEN

This is posted beside my computer: Do not let any unkind talk come out of my computer, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. This is paraphrased from Ephesians 4:29.

This is my hope in posting here: that those who face the challenges of dealing with an incarcerated loved one or family member, or someone with influence in our lives who engages in illegal or unethical behavior might find for themselves hope, ideas for coping, comfort both by the knowledge that others are walking the same journey and, more importantly, that the Spirit of God is always by our side, delighted when we question and explore and share our longings and begin considering new and more effective ways of living.

Not all the challenges I have slogged through have included incarceration and illegal behaviors, so I have come to appreciate the we all have times when our own assumptions, egos, fear and distrust leave us incarcerated in our own heads in ways that harm us and those we love. I hope this speaks to a larger audience, both to inform about issues relating to the legal system and the effects that lawlessness and carelessness have on an ever enlarging circle of sorrow, and to the commonality of our human condition. We long for something more, but settle for striving for more things. We long for forgiveness and reconciliation, but refuse it to those who we feel have caused us modest distress or embarrassment. We want to believe, but aren't quite willing to let go of the bad but familiar to make room for new and therefore scary changes.

Because this is an election year, I will speak to some legislative issues occasionally. Many candidates have training in law schools, have even practiced law at some point. But they are either woefully short of memory or are overwhelmed with legislative systems that are run amok with nonsense. (I asked an acquaintance why he was not running for reelection to the state house of representatives. He said life was too short to argue about the state moth.) As members of the electorate, we must be asking pointed questions with a larger view. My U.S. senator was recently bragging about protecting young families from financial abuse when booking expensive vacations. Is this really the MOST important issue on the table in a nation where homelessness, excessive incarnation rates, too many students who can't read well and corruption has become so commonplace as to be tolerated as inescapable? This senator is smart and correctly reading an electorate that would rather rant about their collective skinned knees than stand in line behind children who are not living in safe communities, children not attending schools adept at preparing them academically, morally or financially to forge better lives for their own children, and children whose parents who, having "paid for their crime," are denied jobs needed to feed and cloth them.

Thoughtful comments welcome. Rants will be deleted even if I find myself sympathetic to points made.

I've been thinking about something Steven Covey has written. What happens if we are trying to find our way in Detroit using a map of Miami? No matter the orienting skills we have, we can never find our way.

That has been me too often. When I try to do things with my own map, I find just great frustration. I work and plan and that then evolves into plotting and manipulating and even conniving and law breaking which I justify by the perfectly wonderful "end" that I demand. "Mom doesn't need this money as much as I do, and she can make more anyway." "I need just a few office supplies for my small business; my boss will never miss them." "My friend will never miss a pill or two and I'm really stressed and need something to take the edge off." From small cheatssliding into bank robbing, drug dealing and murder, we all have an excuse for our bad behavior.

But things change amazingly when we trade in our map and map-reading skills for the map God has drawn for our life and we seek to ramp up our skills for following God's lead more closely.

The next time I am tempted to control someone else's behavior, I will choose to trust them to God's care.

The next time I am tempted to take an unethical "short-cut" to achieve my goals, I will choose to trust God to get me where I am supposed to be, rather than to the goal I set for myself.

The next time I am tempted to want what someone else has, I will choose to thank God for only giving me what I can managed safely.

The next time I want something NOW at any cost, I will ask God to help me develop the skills I need to fulfill HIS purpose in my life on HIS timeline.

Abba, Father, take my ideas and mold them to conform to Your wise plan for my life. Take my longings and abilities and show me how they are to be used according to the plans You have for me. Take my impatience and direct my attention to that which is truly important. AMEN

My favorite picture of Jesus shows him laughing. It reminds me that the notion of Jesus laughing was a culturally destructive idea in The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco. I would have been in deep trouble in such a culture, because I have no trouble at all picturing Jesus laughing for joy at the innocence of children and the beauty of flowers or seeing his beloved disciples "get it" bit at a time. And I'm pretty sure that if God did not have a sense of humor, I would have been toast long before I began to understand what an awesome God is my God.

The whole idea of God is just tough to get our minds around. The Bible says we were made in God's image, but clearly we are a work in progress. Sometimes we wrongly attribute our "logic" to God, assuming that if we feel fear, God must fear and this leads us to thinking about "doing God wrong." Frankly, the older I get the more impossible I find this notion. I believe that God is so great, almighty, powerful, that I would not be able at my most out of control, rage-filled, despair have even the smallest capacity to affect God's, well, godness. That is why I am so amazed that God considers me at all: little, insecure, selfish, fearful creature, a breath in eternity that I am. But with all that, God finds God's "image" in me and calls me to a covenant of love, trust, growth, purpose and joy in my relationship with God. 

God does all the heavy lifting, including bridging the chasm our willfulness and lack of trust caused, by letting Christ cover all our brokenness and by sending the Spirit of God to give us faith and expand our limited capacity to understand and respond. God does ALL the heavy lifting and asks only that we let down our walls enough to let the process begin.

Almighty God, beloved Father, when fear builds walls between us, pry my fingers open so that I might develop space and capacity to love you, trust you and receive Your abundant blessings more fully in my life.  AMEN

Psalm 104:31  May the Lord’s glory continue forever! May the Lord enjoy what he made.