folks affected by the incarceration of loved ones - FAMILIES SHARING HOPE

saying farwell

11/25/2016

Today we said goodbye to my children's last surviving grandparent, a World War II navy veteran. I can't describe the incredible ways his and his bride's lives poured love into our family.

Scot Peck, MD wrote that he believed good parents should be listed as a means of grace. This was certainly true of these kind and generous people. Their prayers were foundational for their children and grandchildren and now great-grandchildren.

As a new bride they welcomed me with open arms and we shared tears and laughter. The last time I saw Granny was at my own mother's funeral and she was not well then. She passed away a few years later and Grandpa missed her so very much. When I saw him recently he spoke of missing her more with each passing year and his longing to be at home with Jesus.

Now he is home and we could not wish him anything less.

I'm grateful my children have such a wonderful person to mourn, for that is part of living too. They taught us much, these people Tom Brokaw wrote of as "The Greatest Generation." I pray we live before our grandchildren with the same faith, hope, charity, love, mercy and kindness as they demonstrated so clearly for us.

We are infinitely better for knowing you and loving you and we do indeed thank God with every memory. God speed and farewell.

holidays with an empty chair

11/24/2016

The sights and sounds of the holidays are a joy, but bittersweet when there is a vacant chair at the table because of incarceration or other stresses that fracture families.

Let us be thankful for those we can see or talk with in person or from afar, but also bear up in prayers whose struggling with distance created by unforgiveness or filled with shame, both of appropriate and inappropriate.

O God, give us eyes to see Your love for us, to open our hearts toward those we love who have frightened us, harmed us, exhausted us. That we and they might be healed and free to find our purpose, embrace hope, practice love and grow in trust. AMEN

wherever they go

11/23/2016

Thousands of years ago the psalmist wrote: "If I could fly on the wings of dawn, stopping to rest only on the far side of the ocean—even there your hand would guide me; even there your strong hand would hold me tight!" Psalm 139:9-10

Today these words sing to my heart. Not only am I traveling, but several of those I love are traveling too. We are not a jet-setter family, but modern life has many of us traveling for many reasons -- health, grief, serving in new ways, meeting new family -- with love being the foundation of each choice to travel.

So, though the details have changed, we are ever dealing with feeling anxious when we cannot know our loved ones are near, just as our ancestors did when they or their loved ones moved (or were moved) to new places with no email or cell phones and very spotty mail service. Of course, if we think for even a moment, we realize we can be standing next to someone and still have an accident befall or news of illness or sorrow reach us. So, is it better to watch up close every risk our loved one faces or to pray and support from afar? Whatever God asks us to do we need to remember that we are not in charge -- ever -- whether near or far!

Fortunately, if our loved one is frightened or injured or uncertain, God is fully with them whether they are by our side or thousands of miles away.

I have read stories of people who developed a heart to pray for a situation or a people and years later their children or grandchildren found a way to assist in just that matter. It makes me think I have ancestors who prayed for their descendants because we have so much love in our families. So I have begun praying not just for my children and their children but for all the children who will come after. And this makes me strong to build a life that will speak of God's love to them.

Because of this I believe it is never too late to pray for our families, to learn ourselves new ways to love, and always to the end of our days here, to live as Jesus lived: offering forgiveness, and giving hope, love, faith and joy in full measure.

All Mighty and Omnipresent God, thank You that we are always in Your tender care, no matter where we are. You hear us at all times and in all places. You love us, no matter what. You know what will get us to our highest good and promise to help us do that when we ask and listen to You. AMEN

laugh or cry, i get to choose

11/20/2016

I am traveling out of the country and as always I am learning new things. I have been to this country before, but there is a building boom here it has ushered in a growing middle class. This has helped some in making it possible to assimilate some of the refugees fleeing a collapsing economy next door. Still there is much stark poverty even though this is no longer considered a 3rd world country as opportunity and education and healthcare improve, if slowly.

On a personal note I find that Google now thinks they are SO important in the world that it is next to impossible to access gmail from outside one's own country if one does not have international service on one's phone. This poses difficulties in keeping in touch with family and ministry responsibilities at home where I assured everyone I would be in touch with email.

I am grateful for telecommunication software that is making calls home possible and I'm sure I am not so important that folks can not get along without me. But it is a reminder that serving a really big God, one who counts the hairs on my head, means I can trust God even in this situation!

But you know those folks who assure you that anxiety will abate if we take a break from our devices? I'd like a chance to have a conversation with them at the end of this trip!

Oh, and if I don't post much, be patient! I'll get with the program by the first of the year if I can't do it from here!

even in this

11/15/2016

This week God must be delighted because my prayers are coming at a more consistent rate than usual with several things happening that are delightful and several that are stirring anxiety in me. We are a fickle humanity tended by a consistent and able and loving God.

My human nature likes no surprises (at my age not so much even "good" surprises) and calm seas, but my soul stirs and my trust increases when I seek God with more intentionality and focus. I'm working on doing that without actually falling down the hill before I remember "prayer, stceady with persistent" has most often worked better in my life than a too quick "Charge!"

So this verse is my joy today: “In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.” Psalm 5:3 (NIV) This promises to be a very busy few days and I am grateful that God always listens, slowly teaches me the skills and attitudes that make my life more content, purposeful and joyful as I continue to grow deeper in love with God.

God has been trustworthy in my life, not always giving me what I want or what I think I need, but always constructing walkways to guide me, vistas to renew and humble me, and blessings poured out to amaze me. So often things I struggled strongly against have been the pathway to the greatest blessings in the long run. It is just simpler to give thanks in all circumstances and start looking for the lesson, the blessing, the opportunity to serve, the transforming love of God even on what seem the darkest of times.

O mighty and everlasting God, You are infinite and I am so truly finite, yet You shine in my life, even when I am struggling against You. Thank you for being the God of 2nd (& 3rd & 4th, etc.) chances so I don't have to stay focused on my stumbling or falling, but instead can raise my eyes to You, confident that you are utterly, consistently able and willing to help me let go of all that keeps me from loving you fully. Send your Spirit that I might be renewed, restored and ever draw nearer to You, humbly and tenderly offering my hands and feet for Your use in service to Your other children. AMEN

praying all the time? how does that work?

11/13/2016

Is this a day where it seems the world is running amok and there is no hope anywhere? I suspect we often feel that way, either because things in our personal situation seem hopeless or we've seen too many of the latest media sales pitches or we just feel lousy physically or fear seems to be seeping in from too many sources.

But here is the thing. For some reason I don't do really well with staying focused on being the hands and feet of God when I'm on the beach enjoying an amazing sunrise with the sound of the surf in my ears, but standing on that same breach and wondering if the oil spill will come this far and wreck destruction that will take decades if not centuries to restore? This provides focus! See, this is my problem -- I'm less fervent in my thanking than in my pleading and all of that works better than my listening.

Yet prayer is about all that -- thanking, asking, responding, because prayer is a discussion with God. Now don't get worried: as much as I would appreciate an email or text message that I could trust to be from God, there would still be a thousand questions to clarify and 10,000 reasons I don't wanna do whatever it is it says I should do or I am all passionate about doing whatever it says I'm supposed to refrain from doing.

This communication with God thing is confusing, especially because most of us are taught at least as some level that asking for what we want is the point of prayer. Prayer is really about sharing our heart with God in a trusting and honest way (more on that in a minute) and opening our minds and hearts to how God is shaping us. God is not a bully or a stalker so God does not demand of us; but God is a loving creator who knows us so much better than we know ourselves, loves us passionately, and has both the commitment and ability to help us become our best selves....the self we were created to be.

And there may be some amazing people out there who get that early on, but for most of us it is about baby steps: "God I'm reading here in the Bible that I'm supposed to be kind to my enemies. Can that be right? I don't see how I can do that because my enemies have been really evil and I don't think I even WANT to try to do that because they are scary and if I choose to forgive or serve or even just let go of the fear I'm afraid all the bad stuff will come again! So, what do I do with this idea, God? Is this really what you want me to do? Is this even possible? OK, I guess if You think this is important I'll give it a try, but I'm not optimistic! AMEN" Then at some point in the not too distant future I notice the damage someone else's grudge or fear or bitterness has caused someone I barely know, but it all seems really bad and scary and then the thought comes to my mind that maybe that is what my anger and fear look like from the outside looking in and I begin to think maybe there might be a better way. And this leads to more discussions with God and more awareness of the lessons God sends. There may be some backsliding. There maybe some new fear that insists I built a monument to its demands. But this time I pause a bit before I start to build or early in the building process I begin to ask if this is really as good an idea as it seems and decide a little discussion with my God might shed a little light, and it does! And one day I realize I have let a little of the fear or judgement or bitterness go and in its place has sprouted a bit more of the good stuff -- joy, hope, contentment, purpose, love and the like.

This is why the praying without ceasing thing in the 5th chapter of Thessalonians (17th verse) is so powerful for me.
The more I keep the communication open with God, the less I get stuck in my own head where self-doubt and self-righteousness and fear are always trying to get a toe hold. And the more new ways to heal and hope and grow pop up and become more robust so they help push the icky, pointless, painful, distractions away. And the earlier and more efficiently my fears, tears and anxiety are exchanged for trust. And then trust leads to a love that is humble, well aware of the potential I have for getting it wrong and a willingness to go at God's pace rather than demanding my own idea of fixing things.

All in all, I'm grateful I started this journey. Even though I don't get it completely right, the more I can practice this perpetual praying, the more I can think of all the bits and pieces as well as the whole of my self as being within the purview and interest of God and a part of the bigger picture that goes much farther than even Carl Sagan could imagine, but is well within God's understanding, power and purpose.

So my advice: Keep praying out there!

with god's help, where can i be the good today?

11/11/2016

We live in a broken world. I have never really doubted this, but it has certainly been in our face over the past months. So what kind of practical advice can we find about how to cope with all our fears, frustrations and challenges. I find encouragement in these words from St. Paul: "Examine all things. Firmly hold onto what is good."

This seems an excellent time to give some serious thought to how this might play out. What if we look at what we think is wrong and take a personal step to make things different? How about we set aside our bitterness and decide to be the change for someone on our block or a co-worker or a family member who might feel less than valued? What change can we make to be less angry and more involved?

Many of us lament the loss of the front porch, where we were more involved in each other's lives. And there were many good things about that that we can embrace. But there was also a lot of judgmental attitudes and narrowness that reserved help and hope for those that were "acceptable." I think we can do better. I believe God calls us to do better.

I appreciate watching The Princess Diaries because it reminds me that being a princess is not being a snotty, self-centered brat. It is someone who has responsibilities and can use their position to make a positive difference if they choose to do so. So that is always what comes to my mind when I remember that we are each the son or daughter of the King of Kings. We can see the world with honesty and courage and then choose to be a force for positive change. Or we can be sullen and whiny and expect everyone else to make things easy for us even as those around us suffer far more than we do.

With God's help, where can you be the good today?

* Thessalonians 5:21

navigating

11/7/2016

I have a special heart today for new followers of Christ. It is so hard when we are delighted in our new relationship to be gentle in sharing the news with folks who are less than enthusiastic. And when we run into resistance it is easy to turn inward to protect ourselves and just keep our heads down and pretend this new joy is not so important. How do we find our way between these destructive extremes?

St. Paul speaks to us in Thessalonians 5, verse 22: "Abstain from all appearances of evil." And both alternatives do give us the appearance of either arrogance or disloyalty, so thinking about this is important for both new Christians and for those of us that have been calling ourselves followers of Christ for years.

We don't have to rant and rave at people about their "sins". After all, if someone is not a follower of Christ there is no reason to expect them to make themselves uncomfortable trying to adhere to a standard of behavior that they have not professed to follow. And for all of us following Christ, the Spirit of God is planting wisdom and strength and does not need US to fix every person within the church either! Remember, we speak loudest when we SAY nothing but DO things in obviously new ways, showing love where the World shows disdain or indifference.

We can politely mention new activities (I think I found a church where I can understand more about being kind...like Jesus OR I had a great time helping at the homeless center this weekend).

We can be extraordinarily noticeable by apologizing when we realize we have been thoughtless or failed to help when the opportunity came before us.
We can plan to attend an event that will lift us up in stead of going to an event where we are are likely to make poor choices or be depressed or embarrassed afterwards.

Over the years we can expect to grow in understanding and discernment* and more consistently make choices to opening ourselves to new understanding and becoming more centered in our values. This is far less painful for everyone than is dashing off using our own undisciplined instincts, but figuring all this out takes practicing our faith.

So as we are thoughtful and intentional (and prayerful) about our choices we can consider: will this help me grow in trust and understanding OR is it likely to make me feel more fearful and hopeless? As I make choices today, will I position myself for growing in love and peace OR for welcoming more anger or frustration or bitterness into my life?

Holy Father, as I make my way through this day, help me to be thoughtful and wise, not out of fear of what others will think or out of a false belief that I can "win favor from You by being good". Rather because Your Spirit is teaching me to love You more deeply and trust more fully that You always work for my highest good. AMEN

* 2 Peter 3:18, Philippians 1:9

in everything give thanks

11/4/2016

This giving thanks in all circumstances thing can be a puzzlement. Who would be thankful their child has cancer or their mother died or they lost their job that keeps food on the table and a roof overhead? Who would give thanks that their boyfriend dumpted them or their wife abandoned them? Who would be grateful for a missing button or a lost address?

From small everyday things to life changing and family shattering things, it seems crazy to do anything but fight, and scream and stay angry, most often because we are frustrated or frightened or terrified. But that is one of the reasons my faith is so solid for me, because I have been willing to give this idea a try in some pretty sad and disheartening circumstances.

This is a bit of what I have experienced: my delightful little nephew was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma and none of us felt anything but afraid and worried and upset. But I came to be deeply grateful that he had attentive and kind parents who had the personal and physical and financial resources to care for him so tenderly. And that experience has certainly informed his life these many years later as he is studying in the medical field and married to an amazing woman who also works as a gifted RN. So, through the challenges of the experience for my nephew and his parents and brother and all the people that love him had many horrid components, none of us would have given up one minute of knowing him and loving him just to escape the icky and horrid and terrifying parts. And this taught me a lot about love and it being something very different than what Hollywood writers too often define in terms so very narrow and misleading.

This is just one experience out of many that have taught me that love always has the capacity to outpace all the bad stuff, if we are open to the possibilities that can follow on those things that frighten us the most. Not because they are not frightening, but because they have no capacity to define us unless we allow it; because God always stands ready to take our hand as we journey through to something infinately better.

Abba Father, today I'm facing something that is JUST TOO MUCH...you know exactly what I mean and I'm grateful because I can simply not find words to match the depth of my sorrow and fear. But I'm thanking you, Father, because I know that You are bigger even than this. I know that, however much I do not want any of this, Your commitment to the highest good of us, each and all, is perfect in wisdom, power and love. Thank you for keeping us all in Your tender care and keep whispering Your love in my ear so that the noise of the world cannot define my being or my inner thoughts. Thank you for being both able and willing to fulfill for each of us Your Covenant with us. AMEN

Thessalonians 5:18 In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

i act like this because ...

11/4/2016

We have to be so careful to sort the messages of the World from the way God would have us be and do. The World says things like "Take care of your own first." The irony is that what "our own" need is too often viewed as more stuff and less of our time by the workaholic. And it is viewed as more control by the fearful. And it is viewed as having more than the people next door by the socially jealous.

But "our own" really need our presence and attention and time more than anything else. And we also need to speak love into "our own", our own families, our own churches, our own communities, our own nation, our own world in ways that make people ask, "Why do you act that way?" -- in a good way.. And since we all have the same amount of time, it makes for a very level playing field. The poor have the same hours in the day as the wealthy and the aged have the same number as the young. And we all appreciate time when it is spent on us.

So as we begin the journey through the holiday season this seems a particularly good time to develop a plan of action.

We can say no to some of the "stuff" in our lives to help provide necessities for others. We can linger when we are talking with those we love and those who need more love in their lives. We can choose to be merciful rather than just when someone cuts us off in traffic or snaps at us at the drive-thru window. We can show our children that their wants are far less important than other's needs and we can do that, not so much by telling as by showing this in the decisions we make for our own families and for ourselves.

Does our church need to be better at this? Advocate for mercy and grace poured out in a way that respects everyone's dignity, even the thick-headed people who don't get the point. Can our family live our values quietly out in the community? Maybe everybody can contribute goods and time to pack comfort bags for the homeless and, if you don't know where to find homeless folks in your area, deliver these bags to an area shelter or outreach, or you might agree on a charity to support to honor parents or grandparents, or their memory. Is there someone excluded from your family gatherings because of past hurts? Maybe you can think of a way to reach out in forgiveness and with a willingness to heal.

We are creative people enduring an age of challenges and uncertainty. What new thing can you do to shine Light and Truth into a dark and fearful world?

See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone. But always seek to do good to one another and to all. Thessalonians 5:15

Almighty God, help me to see you in the face of every person I meet. Make it most clear to see in those I do not love and those I fear, that I may experience Your Love pouring through me according to Your Word in such a way that I can only answer, I act llike that because God loves me. AMEN

when all else fails

11/4/2016

Trudging through our dysfunctional legal system with a loved one and/or family member is full of challenges. This can be further complicated when incarceration is many miles from home and attendant family and church support, or when having the family persistently treated with disrespect, and subjected to financial abuse. All this results in a pervasive and persistent distraction from living with necessary attention to problem solving, embracing a quiet space, saving for emergencies and retirement, and hundreds of other important challenges. We want to support our loved one, but we also want a life with more conventional problems that might be discussed freely at the beauty shop and in Sunday School class. Instead, the incarceration related part of our lives bleeds all over ... well, over everything. We pay in eroding focus, energy, and patience

For families convinced that their loved one has experienced a true miscarriage of justice either through being wrongly convicted or excessively charged or sentenced, the challenges are even greater. They feel bound to keep supporting their loved ones in ways that may inadvertently make it difficult for any one to find peace or purpose in the time away from the free-world. Finding healthy ways to advocate for a loved one seems to me to need a component using a deep understanding of the prison system to advocate for big changes. Of course trying to get proper medical care or mental health care is urgent and essential, but there are ways to encourage our loved ones to adopt a larger view.

"...take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking-around life and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him...Readily recognize what He wants from you and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." from Rom. 12:3-20.

I am blown away when I learn of or meet incarcerated folks who take this verse far more seriously than I have for most of my life. I have also seen this with the chronically or terminally ill who choose to live fully although most of us would find it hard to conceive of such a possibility with the challenges we see them live with daily. Their courage and grace give me hope and humility at the same time.

Let us pray for the families of the incarcerated that they may find hope and joy and purpose in the midst of chaos and by doing so, shine a light into the lives of their incarcerated loved ones. And for incarcerated persons who have found Truth and Love and Forgiveness in a new or renewed relationship with their Father God and Creator, let their new life speak to their loved ones in the free world, that they too might be freed to fulfill the purpose for which they were created.

Father God, I know no other hope for today than in You, God. I know no other hope for eternity than in You, Lord. I know no other hope for my loved ones than in You, God. Spirit of God, pour Your healing and truth out into our lives and teach us how to fully embrace all Your blessings. AMEN