I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26 (NIV)
Reading this made me a little angry. I was hanging on to my heart of stone because the human one was breaking. I needed to hide inside my stony broken heart just to get through the day. Oh, it meant I was also keeping that stone heart between myself and those I loved whose hearts were also breaking, but I just could NOT risk any more "Ms. Nice Guy" stuff. I had done everything I could think of to make things better. I had thrown money at the problem I did not have to spare. I had been unavailable to others who both loved me and deserved better from me. I had imperiled my own health.
Every so slowly the idea began to take root in my frozen brain that the heart I had was not working very well for myself or any one else and maybe a new heart might be a pretty good idea. Would it have a new heart smell like a new car? Could I pick the color and accessories? Hum, I had not done too well with the one I had constructed of the past troubling years so maybe I should find an expert to help me find one that would be more wise, more durable, better support a life of purpose. Where could I find such an expert?
Oh, yeah, God wanted to replace my heart, but God hurt my feelings by calling my heart a stone. So, it was the truth, but I did not like being called out on this. I was hurting and God was demanding I stop whining and give up on the stuff that was not working. Really God, I hate whining, but, OK, I have been all little whiny, OK, OK, very whiny.
So what do You want? Everything? Surely not! I'm a good person. I've done plenty of nice things in my life. I'm a well-regarded Christian! How can it be that you want me to give up ALL but You? I'll have to think about it! So think I did. Wrestle I did. Ponder I did. And finally, exhausted and without any other hope I realized I had to get rid of everything to have room for a God that is just to big to stuff in the corner with the family albums and beloved childhood possessions. God expects all my heart, all my resources, all my dreams, all my abilities, and most important of all, all of my weaknesses and God expects them all day and night, each and every day of the year, all the years of my life.
Because that is the only way the heart of flesh can beat strong in a life of service and joy.
Reading this made me a little angry. I was hanging on to my heart of stone because the human one was breaking. I needed to hide inside my stony broken heart just to get through the day. Oh, it meant I was also keeping that stone heart between myself and those I loved whose hearts were also breaking, but I just could NOT risk any more "Ms. Nice Guy" stuff. I had done everything I could think of to make things better. I had thrown money at the problem I did not have to spare. I had been unavailable to others who both loved me and deserved better from me. I had imperiled my own health.
Every so slowly the idea began to take root in my frozen brain that the heart I had was not working very well for myself or any one else and maybe a new heart might be a pretty good idea. Would it have a new heart smell like a new car? Could I pick the color and accessories? Hum, I had not done too well with the one I had constructed of the past troubling years so maybe I should find an expert to help me find one that would be more wise, more durable, better support a life of purpose. Where could I find such an expert?
Oh, yeah, God wanted to replace my heart, but God hurt my feelings by calling my heart a stone. So, it was the truth, but I did not like being called out on this. I was hurting and God was demanding I stop whining and give up on the stuff that was not working. Really God, I hate whining, but, OK, I have been all little whiny, OK, OK, very whiny.
So what do You want? Everything? Surely not! I'm a good person. I've done plenty of nice things in my life. I'm a well-regarded Christian! How can it be that you want me to give up ALL but You? I'll have to think about it! So think I did. Wrestle I did. Ponder I did. And finally, exhausted and without any other hope I realized I had to get rid of everything to have room for a God that is just to big to stuff in the corner with the family albums and beloved childhood possessions. God expects all my heart, all my resources, all my dreams, all my abilities, and most important of all, all of my weaknesses and God expects them all day and night, each and every day of the year, all the years of my life.
Because that is the only way the heart of flesh can beat strong in a life of service and joy.
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