It seems to me that one of the most difficult things for me is balancing what is healthy boundaries and what is selfishness. I think one reason I love babies so much is that I can tend, teach, love, play and generally delight in a baby without worrying how much leeway to give them...not much. But by the time they turn into teenagers it seemed to be the primary focus of my parenting angst.
This is even worse for an incarcerated loved one or a "living-out-of-self-control" adult child for that matter. It is all so exhausting and scary and distracting. Yet when I want to do healthy things for myself my thoughts drift to the fact that there is no weekend retreat for my loved one.
So how do I find balance and how do I meet my own needs without feeling guilty?
I recently heard someone describe co-dependence as caring more about and putting more money and energy into improving a situation than the person who was actually in the situation. I do not believe this is the kind of caring about others that is recommended by St. Paul when he wrote, "Don’t be interested only in your own life, but care about the lives of others too." Philippians 2:4 (ERV)
I think he was saying we should build a firm foundation for our faith and ask God to reinvent each relationship according to God's way of doing things. Sometimes saying "no" is the most courageous and loving thing we can do. But sorting that out has it challenges. Fortunately, God is right there with you, loving you, coaching you, guiding you and, the thing I find most comforting of all, caring for my loved ones even more and better than ever I could.
So, at least for today, feed your soul, have a heart-to-heart talk with the Almighty and praise God that we don't have to find our way alone.
This is even worse for an incarcerated loved one or a "living-out-of-self-control" adult child for that matter. It is all so exhausting and scary and distracting. Yet when I want to do healthy things for myself my thoughts drift to the fact that there is no weekend retreat for my loved one.
So how do I find balance and how do I meet my own needs without feeling guilty?
I recently heard someone describe co-dependence as caring more about and putting more money and energy into improving a situation than the person who was actually in the situation. I do not believe this is the kind of caring about others that is recommended by St. Paul when he wrote, "Don’t be interested only in your own life, but care about the lives of others too." Philippians 2:4 (ERV)
I think he was saying we should build a firm foundation for our faith and ask God to reinvent each relationship according to God's way of doing things. Sometimes saying "no" is the most courageous and loving thing we can do. But sorting that out has it challenges. Fortunately, God is right there with you, loving you, coaching you, guiding you and, the thing I find most comforting of all, caring for my loved ones even more and better than ever I could.
So, at least for today, feed your soul, have a heart-to-heart talk with the Almighty and praise God that we don't have to find our way alone.
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