After the 9/11 attacks a study was done with students in urban Detroit. It found their anxiety level had not changed much. But I have heard friends and colleagues speak of the radical change in their lives after 9/11, a new sense of urgency or even fearfulness as though they had not expect this could happen "here" or to "us" or to "me".  But these children in the crumbing inner-city of Detroit had never had such illusions, because their neighborhoods and schools were not safe long before Sandy Hook. Nearly all had had a near relative either killed or seriously injured in their run-of-the-mill chaotic world. They had seen teens try to avoid being involved in lawlessness only to be harmed by those they sought with a whole heart to avoid. They had seen parents and grandparents struggle with grinding poverty, crumbling school buildings, jobs fleeing the city, and the ever present specter of being one emergency away from homelessness, less than enough food or falling into an overcrowded foster care system.

For some of us, our beloved parent, trusted life-partner or dearly loved child begins making choices that cause concern; slowly trust is eroded and the relationship changes as a result long before the problem is generally known. Other times folks put on a "good face" and the sudden fall from respected community leader finds even their nearest and dearest wholly unprepared. Either way the new reality of legal troubles, financial ruin and public disgrace comes as a shock to family and friends. If it is a sufficiently public event we may have a camera and microphone shoved in our face when we are still reeling from the shock and the questions that trail into the years ahead, "How did this happen?" "What could I have done to prevent this?" And maybe eventually, as we share the journey of other families dealing with criminal behavior and/or incarceration, we begin to say, "Thank God it was not worse".

However it comes, a crime, news of a crime, response to a crime touches hundreds of lives from survivors to law enforcement to the person arrested, to the courtroom personnel and defense personnel, to the jail and prison personnel, to social workers and medical workers educators and community members who have to deal with the multiple layers of response and then add the families of each and every one of these folks who are touched in the ever widening circles of anxiety, expense, emotional exhaustion and destruction of one small act. It is not an act of kindness or courage that might be acknowledged by a grateful recipient, but rather acts of carelessness and wanton selfishness that get no benefit from the tsunami of damage it releases.

This is why it is so important to be thoughtful, the current buzz word is "mindful" of our choices. There are just too many people living in the aftermath of a moment, a choice that is remembered with confusion and pain and the cry "But I never intended for it to go that far!"

We each need to make a personal decision to "do no harm" as we seek response to the challenges of our culture, our lives is a step in the right direction, because reacting (rather than responding) can boost us right into legal trouble in a nanosecond. And the circles of destruction get a boost we never intended.

I had so hoped after the election we would have a space where sound bites and instant analysis would give way to well researched factual information. But months latter we still seem we take the latest "hot" news and have it ground out over days with every rumor reported, but little valuable information provided.  Even false rumors seem to get a Rosana-Bananadana-esque "Never mind" rather than a clear retraction aired with corrections seeming to air for a fraction of the time spent pouring wild erroneous rumor mongering into our ears and eyes. We ruin reputations based on what someone or their family member did decades ago, but don't blink when people with clout are not held accountable in the most blatant and public misbehavior....just give them a golden parachute and send them on their way or announce they are going into "rehab" for whatever decades old crimes might have been uncovered -- whether a CEO or a politician or a media big shot or a star sports figure or a plunderer of charity funds. 

I do thank God for the freedom of the internet to access a wide array of foreign news sources and credible research information so at least I can hear a broader perspective. But it only helps a little since this all just seems so insane. And into this has poured hurricanes, the catastrophe that is Puerto Rico, earthquakes, drought and raging fires, international political intrigue and tensions, and the barrage of shots fired in Las Vegas that rivals the Murrah Federal Building explosion in stirring fear. I can't say I am surprised that some folks wonder if this is "final days."

But amid the news cycle and the weather challenges and the human loss and despair we stand with the same choice we had a week ago or a month ago or a year ago. Do we turn to God and seek comfort and wisdom and courage to be God's hands and feet to a hurting world? Or do we continue to rely on our own understanding, which frankly I believe leads only to despair and a desperate sort of selfishness?

Will you turn outward toward God, and chose to act as God's servant to God's people? Or will you turn inward where fear causes pain to fester and wounds to grow more dangerous?

May the Lord of peace himself give you peace always in every way. The Lord be with all of you. 2 Thessalonians 3: 16

I was reading a list of services our government has identified that would help former foster care residents to avoid arrest and/or incarceration, dropping out of school, getting pregnant, getting abducted or inveighed into sexual bondage, destroying their financial assets and damaging their financial future, impairing their employability or any of a laundry list of other baggage that a child with a tattered or shattered childhood does not need.

It makes me think about how much I learned in my teens and into my adult years from advice and counsel from my parents, grandparents and extended family. I had older and wiser counsel and practical help in recovering from mistakes. I was given second chances because someone coached me in how to navigate the business world or how to recover when I had failed to meet government requirements like licensing and taxing laws. 

Even the best foster parents, overwhelmed with on-going challenges and government forms and stretching dollars often don't think far enough ahead; if they do, experience has taught them that they have a too high likelihood of not having an extended relationship with their wards.  Some states "require" children "aging out" of foster care have a transition plan. Ironically in most states that is required to start less than a year (one said 90 days) before the aging out event. Does this seem sensible? Can we "instant teach" budgeting, how to read a pay stub, how and when to file taxes, what to do if you have a legal dispute (landlord, EEOC, child support, running afoul of infractions, misdemeanors or some class F felonies for example) where legal aid is not provided. How often do they sit down to teach a teenager how to fill out an employment application or help them do a mock interview? Do they have the resources to instruct on how to avoid a scam or what to do if you suspect a scam? Do they help them get together the documents that they will need in life such as birth certificates, state IDs or driver's licenses, health history, or contact information for extended family? Do they have materials to help them understand how to register for college or apply to take a GED? Do they understand how to access health care or how to manage their own health issues? Pretty sure their ability to help develop an ethical or spiritual base is frowned upon as most references I have found are wholly secular.

There are thousands of things my folks taught me (though much is more complicated now). But there were lots of things they knew, and they had years to introduce me to things like political issue research and to model voting regularly. They were active in their communities and churches in trying to give a hand up to folks who were struggling. When I moved to another state after more than 50 years living where I grew up, I was amazed at how much I suddenly didn't know from how to get help for an abandoned pet, to traffic law differences, to how the local government worked, to where to call for many small problems and challenges. This makes me feel great concern for young people who can not be making much more than minimum wage, are likely targets for scams and abuse, and are PTSD prone considering that Happy Days are not the launching pad for foster care. They often have physical and mental health issues that make access to medical care imperative and complicated.  

I have stumbled. My family members have stumbled. We consulted; we researched, we reached out to each other and our extended families to find our way through. We were anxious, lonely, conflicted and family was there for us. Foster "graduates" may have some family support, but often the extended family is struggling too with broken relationships, financial hardship, limited education and narrow life experiences. Too often foster care does not or can not foster building closer ties with birth families.

Who stands for these young men; who stands with these young women who have already known more sorrow and poverty and distress than many of us know in a lifetime.

​Again my tax dollars are making things worse rather than better and my church speaks of long-range goals and allocation of resources.

There are so many horrors on the news in recent weeks, from hurricanes to earthquakes to mass shootings. It is enough to entice us all to give up helping as there are just too many needs.

But we must persevere with hope. Of course we need to be careful about the goals we set. I am certain that heads of drug cartels and corrupt corporations and those folks whose political careers led to news conference pictures of head-hanging shame all had plenty of "grit" and passion and perseverance.

But here is the deal. If the we who are working to improve communities, to be solid (though of course not perfect) parents; who are learning from the wise folks, encouraging and help others in their good efforts; learning, acting, loving with hands and feet; advocating and working for justice: if we give up, will things get better? Will you have more hope? Will you give up on other difficult things like being friends with broken folks, or walking with the sad, distress, wounded who share our space, even when they are family? children?

Some are called to increasing responsibilities on boards, councils, committees supporting social justice and political action. Some write books or songs. Some make speeches to and personally advocate with folks who can make better decision for our communities and countries. Some are called to write a note; make a phone call; to assure the man waiting at the VA that he is seen, the woman in line to visit a loved one in jail that she is heard; to be the one who reaches out to heal a rift. 

I know you are a perfectly fine lady or gent, but frankly, that is just not enough. I know it is scary, even overwhelming, but it is so worth it. If you can make just one life better, it will make your own life better. If you can lead the charge for better conditions for the poor, the under-educated, the vulnerable on a larger scale, is your reluctance so great that you can lay your abilities, your praying voice, your intellect, your physical capacities aside when it is your loved one who might be blessed, even it is in a generation yet unborn?

We need to heed where our tax dollars are spent, to hold political folks, social service agencies, educators, law enforcement accountable. But we must first BE accountable. And we need to remember that folks who need to be held accountable are human beings with their own burdens and challenges. So we need to forgo railing at bad apples, in favor of offering to be a part of the solution.

If you are a member of a church and they can't help you connect to an opportunity to be a force for positive change, then change churches or advocate for them to step up or call the United Way or any other agency that tugs on your heart! Look around at your neighbors, family, church family, friends, co-workers for ideas. Pay attention to the local political legislation and advocacy efforts and speak out for those who have compromised voices. Leave your ego at home and really listen wherever you go and God will give you ears and grow your heart and take your abilities and infuse them with His Power and His Wisdom.

I promise.

I have long believed that being a correctional officer is about the most difficult job around. Surely our local jail is setting new standards in making this a dangerous and miserable job.

Yesterday the news had two jail stories:

• One is the death of a newly sentenced felon facing 80 years in jail who died in what has been described as a "common area" and, though still under investigation by the Sheriff, is already being widely reported as "suicide". So I have questions:

1. If someone has been recently sentenced to such a severe sentence with the attendant public shame, would they not as a matter of course be considered at risk for suicide and more heavily monitored?
2. Considering the nature of his sentence and the history of the most dangerous incarcerated individuals to placating their own guilt by doing violence to someone they deem "worse" and the fact that suicides in a "common area" are not common because of the less private nature of the space, does this not ask for a robust consideration of other possible causes?
3. 200 federal agents descended on this facility this past summer to arrest one inmate and two staff members now charged with trafficking in drugs and other contraband, so if this is a drug induced suicide, will any complicit staff or incarcerated individuals be held accountable?

• Also this day the story broke about a young, robust, male correctional officer who was severely beaten by three to four incarcerated men in administrative segregation. For the uninitiated, "Ad Seg" is used to isolate incarcerated people who are considered either very dangerous (folks with a history of violence, known gang leaders, murderers, a history of violent or unpredictable behaviors, OR those who are considered very vulnerable (who have been the target of credible threats of violence or been victims of violence within the jail previously, the seriously mentally ill, former members of the legal system such as correctional officers, police, judges, attorneys, and "the famous" charged with such heinous crimes that no bail is offered, and those who are presumed to be targets among folks who are in the general jail or prison population), Because of this volatile mix Ad Seg procedures, rules and safety precautions are generally the most stringent in any jail or prison. For instance there are normally at least two COs staffing the area and generally only one incarcerated person is out of their cell at any time*. Yet in the video released today the CO is alone and faced with the choice of "holding his ground" on an upper walkway where, if he was trapped there, was likely to be pitched off to the floor below with force, or to go down the steps and accept that he will be severely beaten by four roaming inmates until his co-workers can show up and get the situation under control. I wonder when he called for help if he realized that it would take more than two minutes for help to arrive; even just watching the video it seems a very long two minutes. No information was provided about the condition of the young man who was beaten. PTSD seems a given and serous physical injury probable.

No, today is not a good day for our local County Executive and County Commissioners. The have spent many months aware of the problems and responding with two separate audits, much posturing and no leadership as the elected county official with the "ultimate" responsibility for the jail was quoted this summer as saying “things happen in a jail” and publicly contradicting the County Prosecutor, County Sheriff and the Presiding Judge of our Circuit Court (all accountable to the voters in this county) about the seriousness of the situation.

So, fellow taxpayers, exactly how bad do things need to get before we are flooding the mail rooms, jamming the switchboards, sending countless emails and standing for justice. Surely the most "law-&-order-means-more-punishment" oriented citizens do not believe that this situation has ANY redeeming parts. A jail where lawlessness prevails is an embarrassment to honest people everywhere. A jail where the most vulnerable of the incarcerated and those who have been asked by us, the public, to be employed there are persistently and frequently subjected to violence, rape, intimidation, filth, lawlessness, and a range of disgusting and dangerous conditions demands each of us be more than appalled.** We must ACT.

Yet there is no public or political or faith-based group calling for County government, Law Enforcement, Prosecuting and Judicial stakeholders leadership to form and support a task force of their folks along with organizations who have been studying and are knowledgeable about responsible changes that are needed. There improvements already initiated in jurisdictions across the country that are proving fiscally prudent, effective in improving public safety, capable of sustaining a tolerable working environment, and meeting their responsibilities to limit punishment to that meted out by the courts. State laws need to be updated so our court system is empowered to make changes reforming those things that are NOT working here in ways that have already been demonstrated to be successful working elsewhere. Where is the sense of urgency to keep our correctional officers safe, to keep those who are incarcerated safe (by far the majority of which are incarcerated more for being poor than being dangerous), for standing for basic human dignity  in ways that improve public safety rather than being the essence of unjust, unsafe and unlawful.

There is no evidence that any management personnel have been held accountable for failures in their areas of responsibility. We have not been given assurances that possible complicity by management  in criminal behavior by staff is being investigated locally either by the Sheriff or by the County officials with personnel oversight responsibility.

With all the myriad of problems from criminal charges to civil lawsuits, to fiduciary irresponsibility by public officials, to what may be the most hostile working conditions outside of a war zone, I begin to believe that ONLY returning to Federal Oversight*** (neither a cost effective not particularly efficient option) may be the only hope for the poor, the disenfranchised and those employed at the Jackson County Jail. 

The longer we are complaisant, the more our public elected officials fail to meet the most minimal of human needs by the staff, the burgeoning incarcerated population and their families. Not one of us is safer because this is being allowed to await federal or state judicial intervention.

When the righteous cry out, the Lord listens;
    he delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
    he saves those whose spirits are crushed.  Psalm 34: 17-18
--------------------------------------------------------------
* People incarcerated in Ag Seg generally only get one hour a day out of their cells for exercise although even this can be withheld for the most violent/unpredictable or due to staffing shortage, a chronic problem in jails and prisons across the country and a major, long-term problem at our local jail.
** the Jail's website touts the nearly $3 million dollars spent this summer to repair 488 doors. Surly the lack of doors capable of keeping the person INSIDE the cell safe from violent offenders is a basic responsibility of any jail or prison and a basic need to keep correctional officers safe. Might such a cell being available to the CO who was assaulted so heinously have provided time to get help to him before he was beaten so severely?
*** For roughly two decades, starting in the 1980s, the jail was operated under the direct supervision of the federal court. That oversight ended only after officials added beds to ease overcrowding concerns.

Two of my adult children have a heart for animal rescue work. These are the folks that see an emaciated dog chained in a sparse yard trying to find a spot of shade and don't just click their tongues and look away.  They work with an organization that reaches out to the pet owners and offer a gift of a bigger water bowl and a longer, lighter chain and maybe a tube of something to help heal the sores caused by the dog trying to escape the miseries of thirst and excessive heat. If the owner can't or won't learn how to treat the animal better, they may have to refer the animal for removal. I'm very proud of them because they are acting rather than complaining.

But when I see them with rescued dogs I can't help but wonder how long it takes the dog to trust, to replace horrid memories with new memories of kindness and proper care.

I know that I am like that when I realize I have been doing things that harm me, things God has "forbidden" not because He is harsh or cruel or wants to "spoil our fun" but because those things harm us and those we love. So when we awake to the wrong behavior and begin to realize the danger that behavior poses to ourselves and to those we love, that is often not enough -- just realizing. We also have to act in new ways, to let God heal us to the point we can believe God is cheering for us and sending us blessings (wise friends, good books, movies with hope, songs that touch our heart, amazing sunrises at the beach and awe-inspiring sunsets behind grand mountains, and soothing walks in the woods, to name a few). Such things teach us to hope, to believe that we are not so far "gone" that God can't care about us.

Like that frightened, abused puppy we need a new life to replace the painful one we have experienced. To find a new way we need to talk to God (pray), study about God (read the Bible in a translation that speaks to your heart), find trustworthy friends in a church who serve honestly, and sometimes with little steps and sometimes with giant leaps we begin to replace fear with Love, anxiety with Trust, despair with Hope.

God has important plans for us, to reclaim for us what we were born to be, to love as we are loved by God, to show kindness toward others without expectation of getting anything in return. God has infinite patience with those who seek Him -- God loves you exactly as you are. This is the most excellent way of living.

St. Paul wrote, “I will show you the most excellent way.”   - 1 Corinthians 12:31 (NIV)

I was contemplating how our legal system became such an unmitigated nightmare and I began to think of my own slow dawning awareness of the multitude of levels, issues, individuals, agencies, communities and the myriad of challenges. Some crimes seemed to have simmered for years: domestic abuse, sexual assault, fraud and scams, and hate crimes come to mind. Some crimes seem to be a result of no thought at all, but rather impulsive acts with no thought of consequences from a lost temper, a crime of opportunity (impulsive shop lifting, car jacking, theft, assault, dealing drugs to get drugs, revenge, retaliation and rage) all with little or no planning and certainly no thought of potential consequences for self, victims or the legion of others whose lives will change in that moment.

And we have plenty opportunity to be entertained and educated at the same time. After all since Law & Order arrived on our TVs in our living rooms 27 years ago we have had access to 1,096 original episodes and a movie plus 27 years of reruns in which to dissect the ins and out of the criminal justice system. Except, of course, if you have ever lived in a family, worked in the medical field, been a nerd, been in the military, worked as a firefighter, had Friends, worked for a university, etc. you are well aware that television does not present anything like reality. When Law & Order first arrived on the scene it was so much more "gritty" and tackled some issues of ethics and victim angst and wrongful conviction and corruption and gangs and crimes against children and women and elder folks that had been handled more obliquely before.

But in some ways that seems to be a part of the problem...the very increase in addressing some difficult issues seems to have caused unrealistic beliefs that "finally we know the truth." But just like you who have worked in painfully dysfunctional offices without the levity provided by Steve Carell or Drew Carey, or who have been closely associated with self-destructive sexual predators without the laugh-track from 2-1/2 Men understand that TV is more about keeping people entertained than in sticking to reality. And so people at all levels of the legal system find the 47 minutes of Law & Order self-serving at best. And you will note that no successful sit-com is situated in a correctional faculty or with a low-income family trying to rebuild their lives after serving a sentence for their most public mistake both of which are about has hilarious as terminal cancer.

And, frankly, investigating, learning, and processing the challenges, and struggling to find better options than the current legal system offers is hard, frightening, disheartening and heart-breaking work.

But the current system is only building unethical bad guys faster than the Terminator can mow them down. Boys in foster care are showing up in prisons at a rate of 4 in 10 by age 21 and their poor education levels (often exacerbated by the incarceration of care givers, the chaos in foster care, too common PTSD and frequent school changes all put these most victimized of children into unacceptably high risk environments, failing to even address the issues of how they learn to care for themselves as adults, how honorable men and women behave, how to be the people they were created to be. We truly throw them away, judging them harshly while offering no life-preserver in ever more treacherous seas.

Television speaks of crimes and crime victims, the challenging life of law enforcement personnel and prosecutors with little respect for attorney's although those who can afford able representation generally fair much better in the legal system than those without. Television clearly indicates that when the trial is over the story has ended, which is a huge lie. Victim's and their families are still damaged by the crime. Prison staff and prisoners serve time together and the families of each pay unique prices for the challenges that exist in prisons and jails every day.

So please do not skip over the newspaper and ezine articles on the US legal system. The growing numbers of incarcerated, dwindling numbers of those who find a better way while incarcerated, the proliferation of laws, inequitable prosecution and sentencing, the fracturing of families and communities are all roaring forward as more folks who were over-sentenced since the "get tough on crime" efforts in the 1980s and 1990s that have lead to overcrowding being the rule rather than the exception across the country, have lured us to this time when those sentences are ending with a lot of very under-skilled folks who have given up much hope of leading productive lives or rebuilding relationships which leads to depression (and self-medication) or rage being discharged with few skills in communities without the resources to improve the situation.

This pending fracture to society is building in every state. In Kansas three of the nine prisons are dealing with dangerous staff shortages and the myriad of problems that feeds.

In Law & Order we often hear about the infamous jail on Ryker's Island. It has been deemed wholly corrupt, responsible for injuries and death of people who have never even been tried, much less convicted and many with very minor crimes but who are too poor to pay fines, court costs or bail. The mayor said it would take 20 years to make it better, then changed it to 10 years if they could drop the jail population from 10,000 to 5,000.

In Jackson County, elected county officials responsible for the jail recently stated proudly they had allocated $2.8 million to repair 488 sliding cell doors which means neither those incarcerated nor those overseeing them have been protected from violence. Staff shortages have been exacerbated by increased absenteeism which seems a logical outcome of running an unsafe and unnecessarily stressful work place.  There are law suits by those who have been incarcerated and by former staff citing dangerous conditions and injuries, two deaths of incarcerated persons related to questionable medical care, two audits paid for by the county to say this is immoral and dangerous, 200 federal agents who arrived to arrest two correctional officers, an inmate and a civilian for trafficking in contraband including cell phones, drugs and cigarettes ... to name some of the problems reported in the news and cited in the audits.  Yet public officials from the County Prosecutor to the County Executive to the County Sheriff all say it is horrid, bad, must be fixed, yet seem to say it is "not that bad."

The children of the wealthy do not generally find their daughters jailed who were picked on on traffic violations and sent to overnight in the jail only to be sexually assaulted. Nor do their sons or mothers or brother experience death by withheld or incompetent medical care. I don't suppose if they get stopped for a DUI or traffic problem or unpaid traffic tickets or back child support, that they are personally sent to the jail. Otherwise, surely these would seem very bad problems indeed to them.

Although blogs come in all sorts and flavors, we bloggers generally have one thing in common ... we love words. I fell in love with words when I realize that words could transport me through time and space, explore the perspectives of people with very different experiences than my own, and leave me dancing with joy through conversation with someone whose journey shed light on my own.

But I experienced something so sweet that I find even in my own head I can't find adequate words to describe the amazing grace that poured into my life today.

Maybe I should start by saying that, though I know and love many delightful women, I'm often not so crazy about women as a group. From bullying teenage girls to destructively competitive women in the workplace, through inept women who would use our shared gender to excuse their own thorny behaviors and certain church ladies who suck joy form the simplest gatherings, I have been injured by many women. Not all women behave this way, of course, but for too many competition is more dearly held than collaboration. (I do know, men do their own crumby stuff, but that is their own journey.)

I wonder: why do women -- mothers and daughters and sisters and girl-friends and colleagues -- with such great capacity to building joyous, supportive relationships, too often opt for catty, callous and mean?

So today was especially sweet. I spent nearly all day with only women. This gather was really too delightful to express clearly. These women are both broken and incredibly strong, actually women made strong by the challenges they have faced and the choices they make in the wake of challenges. These are generous women who share their experience, hope and faith with great tenderness and searing personal honesty. They support one another; challenge one another to take important and necessary risks with hope and perseverance. They speak truth ever so gently. They shine light into darkness. They encourage and cheer, and rejoice in each other's victories.  They cry tears of sorrow and healing and joy. They laugh and tease and teach. They listen and love and pray and hug ... and the greatest of these is indeed love.

Sisters of heart and choice and faith, thank you for wrapping me in love and hope and sweet dreams of possibilities, and for persistently praying practical encouragement to convert dreams to plans.

​Truly love drives out fear.