FAMILIES SHARING HOPE
  • Blog
  • Resource Links
  • Books
    • News to Make You Weep
  • Prayer Requests
  • Contact
  • Connecting with Community

10 ways to love  - part 5

9/22/2014

0 Comments

 
#5 Answer without arguing.

I wonder how many families with an incarcerated loved one manage this on their own. Dealing with all the chaos, stress, fear, frustration and relentlessness of the journey to and through incarceration is emotional...to the same degree that the Sun melts chocolate. Sometimes I have found myself being angry with and arguing with someone who was agreeing with me. I have interpreted silence in the mirror of my own fears and sense of defeat. I have been infinitely willing to argue.

And I have come to believe that much of this is driven by a reactive reflex. I remember well the first time this was suggested to me, that I was reacting rather than acting and I wept through the tears that I did not know what that meant. The counselor, whose name unfortunately is lost to time, said, “I know, but you are smart and you will get it.” And, by baby steps, I did learned what she meant.

For me that means to think before I acted. (Like my Dad had not been preaching that since my birth!) But as I looked dispassionately at the part I was playing in the chaos of my life, I started to understand that working harder on impulse control and considering the possible consequences of my actions might be in order. So I began to ask God for help in making changes in my life. And, guess what? God said, “I've only been waiting for you to ask.”

So very slowly I began to exercise choice in how I reacted to bad situations. I started to consider if my words, even if true, were likely to make the situation better.  I began to act differently and, more exciting, to think differently when faced with the bumps in life.

Many years later I remember I was angry about the behavior of an acquaintance whose actions had been hurtful to a friend. A valued mentor said, “Can you cut her a little slack over this?” I immediately said, “Not yet.” But it started me thinking about how often I wanted someone to cut me a little slack, as in gently speaking to me directly about a concern rather than chatting about it to a third party, as in remembering I may have been more focused on my really, really challenging day rather than the needs of those around me, as in remembering that we all fail to be as kind or gentle or thoughtful or able as we “ought” at various times and for various reasons.

Hearing the call to let go of arguing truly changed my life in ways that are nothing less than transformational. (Which does not mean I’m not still refining my skills in this area!)

Proverbs 17:1 Better a dry crust with quiet than a house full of feasting with quarrels. (CEB)

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    CHECK IT OUT:
    BOOKS TAB 
    ​News Tab


    For information on meetings use the "contact" button above or call Jann @ 816-896-9815


    Author

    Jann's son was incarcerated.  She longed for a community where she could connect with others dealing with similar issues.

    Categories

    All

    Archives

    January 2023
    April 2022
    March 2022
    July 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    June 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    April 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    May 2018
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    June 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.