I hear lots of folks lament how they don't have access to in-patient treatment programs. I get that. But I also know folks who use that as an excuse not to work what is available.
Firstly, if you have a loved one with issues of alcohol, anger, mental-illness or post-incarceration struggles, DO NOT take the stance that (1) It is not your problem so you don't have to make changes; OR (2) you will attend "meetings" once your loved one has "done their part by getting help first."
(1) If you are living with someone you love who needs help then it is most definitely your problem. NOT in the sense that that you can fix the problem, but rather because it is affecting everyone and any one person can be a catalyst for change. But it is such a challenge to walk that fine path between taking on responsibility for things over which we have no control and building protective walls to try isolate the damage to the person causing it. This is exacerbated by jarring pronouncements from family, church family, friends and passing acquaintances who want to tell us exactly what to do to solve a problem far more complex and layered than anyone who has not walked that road can appreciate. There is no one action that will mend a broken family or relationship. But a journey of healing IS available and you are not asked to travel it alone.
(2) Because you are hurting, broken, frightened, frustrated, angry, lonely, confused and generally distraught YOU NEED HELP and you deserve help. I do not mean that in a mean, judgmental, "You need help, you loser!" I mean that in a "you are a beloved child of God and you deserve to be treated with respect and tenderness, especially with all you are dealing with and you have a right to not handle this all alone!" There are people who are knowledgeable about walking beside you during your challenges or are involved in groups that are committed to developing those skills. They long to share your journey to a better life. They are not perfect, of course, but when you combine these aids with a relationship with a God who loves you, woos you, created you for important work and longs to help you through to a new way of living it is a powerful good thing. Do not wait to avail yourself of every good (i did not say easy) thing to help you NOW!
So where is safe help? It is important to keep that "safe" part in mind, because there are bogs and mirages along the way.
1. AA, NA, Al-Anon, GA, EA, SA, OA and similar 12-step programs have solid histories, amazing people and good road maps for the journey of recovery. Nearly every county in the USA and in cities around the world help is at hand. Are there nutty people there? Sure, so use good judgement about who you approach to be your sponsor and whose counsel is sensible. Now the nuttiest person makes sense at least part of the time, so think seriously about all that is said in meetings. But chose wisely about what you take home and leave the rest. You can find contact information in telephone directories, by goggling on the internet or by contacting your doctor.
2. Celebrate Recovery is a newer program that operates like a cross between AA and church and is sponsored by churches. It is a newer program, but they work to recruit long-time-in-recovery folks who have demonstrated maturity and wisdom to anchor these programs so are often great programs. CRs real strength, in my opinion, is that they (a) do not require a stated reason to be seeking a better life (i.e., alcoholism, narcotics addition, gambling addition, emotional problems, sexual addition, overeating, etc.) so it can be a very good place for someone seeking a post-release safe place or dealing with cross-over additions or addictions not condemned by society (i.e., shopping additions and workaholism) and those of us who are dealing with co-dependency and healthy living; and (b) the sponsoring church has been exposed to the principles of anonymity, co-dependency and redemption so can prove to be a welcoming church to hurting people.
3. Private counseling can be helpful if it is a quality program with a solid track record and good reputation. There are in-patient but also intensive out-patient programs. And, of course, when looking at a decision like this, a lot of prayer is helpful.
4. Another faith-based program, Stephens Ministries, is accessed through participating churches and can offer a friendly face to journey along side for a short time.
God has not abandoned you, does not hate you, does not want to punish you and God would strongly prefer you quit doing that to yourself. God is providing resources you can trust.
Firstly, if you have a loved one with issues of alcohol, anger, mental-illness or post-incarceration struggles, DO NOT take the stance that (1) It is not your problem so you don't have to make changes; OR (2) you will attend "meetings" once your loved one has "done their part by getting help first."
(1) If you are living with someone you love who needs help then it is most definitely your problem. NOT in the sense that that you can fix the problem, but rather because it is affecting everyone and any one person can be a catalyst for change. But it is such a challenge to walk that fine path between taking on responsibility for things over which we have no control and building protective walls to try isolate the damage to the person causing it. This is exacerbated by jarring pronouncements from family, church family, friends and passing acquaintances who want to tell us exactly what to do to solve a problem far more complex and layered than anyone who has not walked that road can appreciate. There is no one action that will mend a broken family or relationship. But a journey of healing IS available and you are not asked to travel it alone.
(2) Because you are hurting, broken, frightened, frustrated, angry, lonely, confused and generally distraught YOU NEED HELP and you deserve help. I do not mean that in a mean, judgmental, "You need help, you loser!" I mean that in a "you are a beloved child of God and you deserve to be treated with respect and tenderness, especially with all you are dealing with and you have a right to not handle this all alone!" There are people who are knowledgeable about walking beside you during your challenges or are involved in groups that are committed to developing those skills. They long to share your journey to a better life. They are not perfect, of course, but when you combine these aids with a relationship with a God who loves you, woos you, created you for important work and longs to help you through to a new way of living it is a powerful good thing. Do not wait to avail yourself of every good (i did not say easy) thing to help you NOW!
So where is safe help? It is important to keep that "safe" part in mind, because there are bogs and mirages along the way.
1. AA, NA, Al-Anon, GA, EA, SA, OA and similar 12-step programs have solid histories, amazing people and good road maps for the journey of recovery. Nearly every county in the USA and in cities around the world help is at hand. Are there nutty people there? Sure, so use good judgement about who you approach to be your sponsor and whose counsel is sensible. Now the nuttiest person makes sense at least part of the time, so think seriously about all that is said in meetings. But chose wisely about what you take home and leave the rest. You can find contact information in telephone directories, by goggling on the internet or by contacting your doctor.
2. Celebrate Recovery is a newer program that operates like a cross between AA and church and is sponsored by churches. It is a newer program, but they work to recruit long-time-in-recovery folks who have demonstrated maturity and wisdom to anchor these programs so are often great programs. CRs real strength, in my opinion, is that they (a) do not require a stated reason to be seeking a better life (i.e., alcoholism, narcotics addition, gambling addition, emotional problems, sexual addition, overeating, etc.) so it can be a very good place for someone seeking a post-release safe place or dealing with cross-over additions or addictions not condemned by society (i.e., shopping additions and workaholism) and those of us who are dealing with co-dependency and healthy living; and (b) the sponsoring church has been exposed to the principles of anonymity, co-dependency and redemption so can prove to be a welcoming church to hurting people.
3. Private counseling can be helpful if it is a quality program with a solid track record and good reputation. There are in-patient but also intensive out-patient programs. And, of course, when looking at a decision like this, a lot of prayer is helpful.
4. Another faith-based program, Stephens Ministries, is accessed through participating churches and can offer a friendly face to journey along side for a short time.
God has not abandoned you, does not hate you, does not want to punish you and God would strongly prefer you quit doing that to yourself. God is providing resources you can trust.
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