I remember reading an article some years ago that postulated that anger was not a primary emotion. It feels pretty darn primary to me when I'm feeling it! But I found the point worth considering.
If I feel anger I am much more able to respond effectively if I can pinpoint the cause and that cause is almost always fear or frustration, as the author of the article wrote.
When my child breaks free and runs toward a busy street my fear that the child will be injured (or that I would have to live with the guilt of feeling I had not been sufficiently vigilant) is pretty clearly why I mix yelling "Never do that again" with hugging and crying when I reach the child before they are smashed in traffic.
My anger with my spouse or friend, likewise, is often easy to trace back to a fear that my relationship might break or be permanently damaged if I stand up for what I believe to be right, or conversely, that my desire to get my own way might reflect damage I am doing to the relationship myself by my own lack of generosity.
I have even come to believe that frustration is also fear driven: fear that I can't control a situation, or fear I can not keep someone I love from making a mistake that caused me pain, or fear the actions taken by others will cause me harm.
In my personal life I have come to feel that fear (while important when deterring us from doing casually stupid stuff) is the thing that most keeps us from all good things. I had an aunt that was so afraid of the pain of childbirth she denied herself and her husband many blessings. I have been so afraid that my child might be harmed, I have been tempted to discourage activities that lead to amazing blessings when my children had more courage than I.
Too frequently I have sounded like the harbinger of doom and gloom when bombarding my loved one with instructions and advice rather than joining joyously into the team effort to anticipate obstacles than need to be overcome and cheering for successes small and great.
So, too late to identify the author whose ideas have so powered my own growth in the area of getting past anger to address the root of the issue, I instead ask God to bless that person who gave me a glimpse of a more powerful and peaceful way to live.
And I commend to you a time of consideration for those things that make you angry, especially the things that color your relationships and interfere with you moving forward in life.
For this I promise you: every moment you can let go of anger (fear, frustration, et al) and convert that to time talking with the God who loves you without measure, you will be blessed beyond measure.
If I feel anger I am much more able to respond effectively if I can pinpoint the cause and that cause is almost always fear or frustration, as the author of the article wrote.
When my child breaks free and runs toward a busy street my fear that the child will be injured (or that I would have to live with the guilt of feeling I had not been sufficiently vigilant) is pretty clearly why I mix yelling "Never do that again" with hugging and crying when I reach the child before they are smashed in traffic.
My anger with my spouse or friend, likewise, is often easy to trace back to a fear that my relationship might break or be permanently damaged if I stand up for what I believe to be right, or conversely, that my desire to get my own way might reflect damage I am doing to the relationship myself by my own lack of generosity.
I have even come to believe that frustration is also fear driven: fear that I can't control a situation, or fear I can not keep someone I love from making a mistake that caused me pain, or fear the actions taken by others will cause me harm.
In my personal life I have come to feel that fear (while important when deterring us from doing casually stupid stuff) is the thing that most keeps us from all good things. I had an aunt that was so afraid of the pain of childbirth she denied herself and her husband many blessings. I have been so afraid that my child might be harmed, I have been tempted to discourage activities that lead to amazing blessings when my children had more courage than I.
Too frequently I have sounded like the harbinger of doom and gloom when bombarding my loved one with instructions and advice rather than joining joyously into the team effort to anticipate obstacles than need to be overcome and cheering for successes small and great.
So, too late to identify the author whose ideas have so powered my own growth in the area of getting past anger to address the root of the issue, I instead ask God to bless that person who gave me a glimpse of a more powerful and peaceful way to live.
And I commend to you a time of consideration for those things that make you angry, especially the things that color your relationships and interfere with you moving forward in life.
For this I promise you: every moment you can let go of anger (fear, frustration, et al) and convert that to time talking with the God who loves you without measure, you will be blessed beyond measure.
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