We hold a child in our arms with such hope for them. We want their life to be better than our own, their health always good, their academic success assured, their relationships healthy and empowering. Each time they face a challenge we long to make it all better and we feel guilty that we can't keep them from all challenges and harm.
But think about this: what life does not have challenges and what person doesn't need the lessons that these challenges offer? I remember my mother's voice saying, "Well, pick it up and try again!" How wise that is to convey that to fall down is a normal part of life, but that trying again is expected.
When my son was dealing with the legal system this was most what I wanted him to understand. He had significant and important issues to deal with. They did not need to define him but they definitely needed to refine him. What he learned in prison probably saved his life and as such will be a part of who he is always. What he does with what he learned will be his legacy to his daughter and his community.
So, when we are tempted to feel that our child's legal problems are a result of our inadequate parenting, let us take a step back and remember that we made no mistake so large, no misstep so bad nor any error so horrible that God has lost us. God offers redemption, renewal and a new life to our child no matter how far they have strayed or how we have failed to meet some unrealistic and phony standard of perfection. And God offers this same redemption, renewal and new life to us! Do I have new ideas of how to interact with my adult child in healthier ways? Yeah! But I do not need to waste time, energy or emotions clinging to my own sense of self-importance.
God is with my child, loves my child, knows what my child needs more than I know. So it is fitting and right that I release my need to fix something that God already has under His control.
But think about this: what life does not have challenges and what person doesn't need the lessons that these challenges offer? I remember my mother's voice saying, "Well, pick it up and try again!" How wise that is to convey that to fall down is a normal part of life, but that trying again is expected.
When my son was dealing with the legal system this was most what I wanted him to understand. He had significant and important issues to deal with. They did not need to define him but they definitely needed to refine him. What he learned in prison probably saved his life and as such will be a part of who he is always. What he does with what he learned will be his legacy to his daughter and his community.
So, when we are tempted to feel that our child's legal problems are a result of our inadequate parenting, let us take a step back and remember that we made no mistake so large, no misstep so bad nor any error so horrible that God has lost us. God offers redemption, renewal and a new life to our child no matter how far they have strayed or how we have failed to meet some unrealistic and phony standard of perfection. And God offers this same redemption, renewal and new life to us! Do I have new ideas of how to interact with my adult child in healthier ways? Yeah! But I do not need to waste time, energy or emotions clinging to my own sense of self-importance.
God is with my child, loves my child, knows what my child needs more than I know. So it is fitting and right that I release my need to fix something that God already has under His control.
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