I am frustrated by the number of women who say they return to their abuser because they "love him or her". I'm frustrated by the men who say that too, but I've given up understanding men, even the ones I birthed. But as a woman this particularly confusing.
I even at times church folks think God requires folks to stay in an abusive situation and may even quote "Above all, love each other deeply,because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8.
Now I understand many logical and understandable reasons for staying in a dangerous situation, like the absolutely reasonable fear of leaving a bad situation only to find ones self in a worse one. (The statistically most likely time for a woman to be murdered by her abuser is when leaving or within the ensuing 12 months.) So fear I get. Even fear of failure to care for oneself and one's children I identify with.
But staying because of the belief that any kind of love remains where abuse abounds, that just floors me. Because, my dear, frightened, fragile and battered friend, that ain't love. That can be a desire to possess in the sense of consuming. That can be pathology that uses the trappings of romance to get its own way. That can be someone so badly abused in their early years that only God's touch can heal. But none of that is love.
Love is kind. Love does not dishonor others. Love is not easily angered. Love does not delight in evil. And love does not allow a person to bully in the name of love.
If you are caught in a web of unkindness, dishonor, anger and evil begin asking God to show you how to move forward. God's love for you is deep and God longs to lead you and your family to a far better life.
I even at times church folks think God requires folks to stay in an abusive situation and may even quote "Above all, love each other deeply,because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8.
Now I understand many logical and understandable reasons for staying in a dangerous situation, like the absolutely reasonable fear of leaving a bad situation only to find ones self in a worse one. (The statistically most likely time for a woman to be murdered by her abuser is when leaving or within the ensuing 12 months.) So fear I get. Even fear of failure to care for oneself and one's children I identify with.
But staying because of the belief that any kind of love remains where abuse abounds, that just floors me. Because, my dear, frightened, fragile and battered friend, that ain't love. That can be a desire to possess in the sense of consuming. That can be pathology that uses the trappings of romance to get its own way. That can be someone so badly abused in their early years that only God's touch can heal. But none of that is love.
Love is kind. Love does not dishonor others. Love is not easily angered. Love does not delight in evil. And love does not allow a person to bully in the name of love.
If you are caught in a web of unkindness, dishonor, anger and evil begin asking God to show you how to move forward. God's love for you is deep and God longs to lead you and your family to a far better life.
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